Some thoughts on my mind... See if you can guess who I am talking about :)

I miss you a lot more than I'll admit.

I know I need to be home, but I wish I was going back to school with you two.

Please understand that I need the car just as much as you do.

Please let me get the job! I know I'm Dr. Stout's daughter, but that shouldn't affect your decision.

You need to take a nap. Kicking and biting people isn't nice.

I wish we were a lot closer than we are.

I miss you guys being the friends you were back in high school.

I haven't seen you guys yet, and that is NOT okay! That will be changed soon.

LOVES <3

New Year's Eve?!

Dang, how did it get to this day already? I can't believe it. I have been home now for almost 2 weeks, and have around 4 months to go... I need a job. I need a job. I need need need a job!!!

Anyways, this blog is to tell ya'll the resolutions that I have for 2010. I didn't make any resolutions last New Year's because I didn't really want to. But I need to this year. There are many things I feel I need to do in order to feel better about myself, and how I live my life.

I might add more, but here are the 9 things I want to work on this year.

1) Work out more

2) Read scriptures every day

3) Pray every day

4) Work on weaknesses

5) Try to eat breakfast every day

6) Work on becoming closer to the Lord

7) Do more service

8) Show more love to everyone

9) Read a book every week (or month, whichever will be more plausible.)

So, those are it. My resolutions for the year 2010. Can you believe that it is already 2010?! YIKES! I am going to be 20 in 8 months! I cannot believe it!

Anyways, I hope New Year's is great for you! I hope 2009 was great for you, but that 2010 will be even better!

Love you all!!

LOVES <3

Funny days

My family is so so so so funny! Well, to me they are.

"Mom, George Michael died."

"I want to get numb arms and then slap people in the face with them... like this! *funny arm motion*."

"Let's put XLAX in the cookies! And watch mom have to go to the bathroom ALL DAY!"

"We use the Wii at Christmas time more than any other time during the year... That's because we always get new games at Christmas."

This was, without a doubt, the best Christmas ever. I love my family, and how we were able to get through an entire day without a single fight. But alas, we are back to reality.

Oh yeah, and Malcolm got his license. Guess what that means? I have to share the car.

So, should I save money for a Nikon D3000, or a new car? Tell me your thoughts, loyal readers.

LOVES <3

Santa was good to me this year.

16 new movies, which are: Bride Wars, GI Joe, Seven Pounds, The Dark Knight, Star Trek, 21, Taken, Pocahontas, Up, Mulan, He's Just Not That Into You, Yes Man, The Bucket List, Miss Congeniality, P.S. I Love You, and Iron Man.

$60 towards iTunes.

Two movie tickets.

A 500 GB External Hard Drive.

I love Santa!! :D

OH!!! And I got two A's, an A-, a B+, and a B!!!! YES FOR A GOOD SEMESTER!!!

LOVES <3

Home

This year, I am home from December to April. I am "off-track" from school. (If you don't know what that is, just ask.) Last year, I chose to stay out at school during this time. I felt like coming home was the better choice this time around.

I really miss my roommates a ton though.

I need a job.

I think I will fail my science final. Is it bad that I am somewhat okay with that? Bleh.

Dear Michael Buble,

I love you. You helped me get through the stress of school, and I very much appreciate it. Will you marry me? And then serenade me to sleep every night? I would love it, and I think you should consider it.

Always,

Symone

I would like to say...

That my brain kinda feels like mush right now. I don't know why, since today I haven't had to do a lot, but it still feels like that.

Also, I dislike it immensely when I misread an assignment, therefore causing not only myself but also my roommate to get a bad grade. Bleh.

The class side of school is almost done.

Goals for tomorrow:

Get World Foundations final turned in.

Get late homework coupon turned in to Ed. 200 teacher.

Turn in idea swap/ do oral report in English.

Talk to Mission Prep teacher.

Finish packing.

CLEAN THE BATHROOM/ MY ROOM!

Prepare to return books/hopefully get some money.

Study for and take science final?

Yes. I am very happy for the school aspect to be done, but very sad to be leaving the wonderful roommates and friends that I have made this semester. I hope I can visit sometime in the 3-4 months that I will be away from them.

Time to try to study for science some more. He expects me to study for 3+ hours. Yeah, we'll see how that turns out.

LOVES <3

Death Week

People say that the week BEFORE finals is Death Week. Well, I have to disagree.

Finals Week IS Death Week.

I am tired all the time. If I could, I would most definitely be sleeping all day, every day. Everything just seems to take a while to finish. But it WILL get done. I WILL get through this week.

Christmas is 11 days away. I cannot wait for Christmas. It has to be one of my favorite times of the year.

Denny's, Family time, new pajamas, and Christ's birth story. Ahh bliss.

Soon, that will be all I have to worry about. So close, and yet so far. Just 4 more days.

LOVES <3

Fall 2009 Roommates

Anne, Jillise, Erin, Zoie, Chelsie and I (L to R).

How I will miss them.

Places to visit in the future

Go to the National Vietnam Veterans Art Museum.

Go back to NH, and revisit Boston.

Go to Washington DC.

Actually, just do a road trip around the US. There are a lot of places here in the US that I would love to see.

Go to Europe, maybe.

Yes. I want to do all this.

Advice from Elder Busche

My mission prep teacher sent this in an email yesterday, but I didn't get the time to look at it. He then showed it to us in class today, and I fell in love with it. Watch it, it will help you feel better, no matter what.

When I woke up this morning, I wasn't all that happy. I watched this, and went to class, and felt a gajillion times better. Plus, I got free hot chocolate and Michael Buble CD's from Zandra! Today will be a good day, no matter what.

LOVES <3

Therefore, I want to share with you a vehicle, an instrument, that I developed some time ago for myself and for my family. It can assist us to reach our focus as we read the suggested vision of true discipleship as a Latter-day Saint. It helps when, from time to time, we ponder and seek identification with the following thoughts:

* Embrace this day with an enthusiastic welcome, no matter how it looks. The covenant with God to which you are true enables you to become enlightened by him, and nothing is impossible for you.

* When you are physically sick, tired, or in despair, steer your thoughts away from yourself and direct them, in gratitude and love, toward God.

* In your life there have to be challenges. They will either bring you closer to God and therefore make you stronger, or they can destroy you. But you make the decision of which road you take.

* First and foremost, you are a spirit child of God. If you neglect to feed your spirit, you will reap unhappiness. Don't permit anything to detract you from this awareness.

* You cannot communicate with God unless you have first sacrificed your self-oriented natural man and have brought yourself into the lower levels of meekness, to become acceptable for the Light of Christ.

* Put all frustrations, hurt feelings, and grumblings into the perspective of your eternal hope. Light will flow into your soul.

* Pause to ponder the suffering Christ felt in the Garden of Gethsemane. In the awareness of the depth of gratitude for him, you appreciate every opportunity to show your love for him by diligently serving in his Church.

* God knows that you are not perfect. As you suffer about your imperfections, he will give you comfort and suggestions of where to improve.

* God knows better than you what you need. He always attempts to speak to you. Listen, and follow the uncomfortable suggestions that he makes to us--everything will fall into its place.

* Avoid any fear like your worst enemy, but magnify your fear about the consequences of sin.

* When you cannot love someone, look into that person's eyes long enough to find the hidden rudiments of the child of God in him.

* Never judge anyone. When you accept this, you will be freed. In the case of your own children or subordinates, where you have the responsibility to judge, help them to become their own judges.

* If someone hurts you so much that your feelings seem to choke you, forgive and you will be free again.

* Avoid at all cost any pessimistic, negative, or criticizing thoughts. If you cannot cut them out, they will do you harm. On the road toward salvation, let questions arise but never doubts. If something is wrong, God will give you clarity but never doubts.

* Avoid rush and haste and uncontrolled words. Divine light develops in places of peace and quiet. Be aware of that as you enter places of worship.

* Be not so much concerned about what you do, but do what you do with all your heart, might, and strength. In thoroughness is satisfaction.

* You want to be good and to do good. That is commendable. But the greatest achievement that can be reached in our lives is to be under the complete influence of the Holy Ghost. Then he will teach us what is really good and necessary to do.

* The pain of sacrifice lasts only one moment. It is the fear of the pain of sacrifice that makes you hesitate to do it.

* Be grateful for every opportunity to serve. It helps you more than those you serve.

* And finally, when you are compelled to give up something or when things that are dear to you are withdrawn from you, know that this is your lesson to be learned right now. But know also that, as you are learning this lesson, God wants to give you something better.

Thus, we prepare all the days of our lives, and, as we grow, death loses its sting, hell loses its power, and we look forward to that day with anticipation and joy when he will come in his glory.

Sleepy... so so sleepy...

It's getting to that time in the semester. The time where you want to sleep, but if you do, you lose precious time. The time where all you can think about are tests and projects. The time where, when it's over, you will be happier than ever.

Every college student deals with it. My dear friends, it is FINALS time.

Or close to it. There are two weeks left in the semester. By this time next week, I should have a majority of my final projects over and done with.

I am excited to go home, I am. But I get sad every time I think of it...

I am going to talk to my mom about possibly doing Fast Grad. Just so I am not stuck here until 2013. But I need to talk it over with her.

Anyways, my ramblings will take a break for now. I need to get back to homework.

LOVES <3

"Even though he's in the military, I can take him. I'm a woman."

Some of the things I say...

Thoughts are just that... Thoughts.

No matter how many times I think it, it won't be true.

Just saying.

Good bye warmth, helllllloooooo -2 degrees.

This morning walking to class, it was -2 degrees F here in good ole Rexburg, ID. YIKES! My hair was still wet from my shower, and it froze. Oh, my boogers in my nose froze too. So while walking, I had to breath through my mouth, and you could tell I was doing that because I looked like a choo-choo train.

See the smoke? That's how it was.

Thankfully, my mom got me a new coat to wear. It keeps me WAY warm, and I love it. Along with my hat, gloves, and scarf.

Yep, that's my coat and hat :]

Anyways, just thought I would give you guys a weather update for here in ID. Hopefully, it is warmer where you are!!

LOVES <3

Sometimes, I feel like an old lady.

My body aches. I went to bed early and woke up early basically the whole break. But, I'm okay with feeling like an old lady sometimes. It reminds me to appreciate sleep, and health. Weird, but it does :D

Imagine all the people...

I love remakes of songs. Or people taking a song and putting their own twist to it. I think that's why I love Glee. It takes songs and puts a different twist to it.

This last episode was a good one. And this song was amazing. I cried like a little baby.

I think I'll try DEFYING GRAVITY!!!

I have been listening to this song ALL DAY! Well, ever since 11:00 a.m. today. It is such a great song, and it is most likely my new favorite song... For now :]

Oh Glee, I love thee

I love the music, the story line, the characters, EVERYTHING about this show! Ah, I love finding a new TV show that I can love.

:D

Oh the things you hear from missionaries...

"[T]hen it's lights out by ten thirty! That's when I lay in bed, ear plugs in, trying to ignore the fog horn-esque snoring that eminates from the 6'6" 300 pound black missionary across the room. Oh my gosh. It's amazing I sleep at all, I tell you what! But, don't get me wrong, he's an awesome guy. Love everything about him, minus that."

I laughed hard when I read this. :]

Fremont Troll

The person on the right of the troll is Ian. Yes, it is a big troll.

This is the Fremont Troll. It's one of those places that not a lot of people know about up in Seattle. Usually, you see the Space Needle, Experience Music Project, and other touristy spots. This is a lesser known area.

I love this troll. I was looking at a list of the world's most unusual monuments, and number 5 out of 12 was this guy here. We made it on the list!!!

As an earlier post said, I am a Seattle girl through and through. If you ever want to visit Seattle, or Washington in general, I can show you around ;)

Just a random blog... Way random, I know, but I got excited when I read about the troll :D

LOVES <3

Sister Talk

Sydney

ugh i hate emotions

5:07pmSymone

so do i

5:08pmSydney

why do they exist?

5:09pmSymone

Because they help us show how we are feeling, and help us learn and grow

5:10pmSydney

why do you have to be so philosophical?

Hahaha I was talking to my sister just now about feelings and things of that nature. She said that she just has a lot going on, which led to the conversation above.

I'm not philosophical, but apparently my sister thinks I am. LoL I love her.

Oh the future...

I hate thinking about the future. Not because I don't like imagining what it will bring, who will be in it, and what cool inventions will be brought about, but because I don't like imagining something, then thinking it could happen, then hoping, wishing it would happen, and then have it not happen.

So, I will focus on the here and now. The present. School, church, friends, family. Writing to all my missionary friends that are now serving the Lord. Some will be home soon, some won't be for another two years, but they all need support and love. I send that through letters.

Oh I do love letters, packages... Basically anything that comes the 'ole snail mail way. It just feels like Christmas every time I get a letter! Wow, what a weird tangent to go off on hahaha.

Anyways, moral of this blog, don't worry too much about the future. Worry about the present, because it's only here once! ;)

LOVES <3

You only have one life. Get rid of the things that you hate and fill it with the things you love♥

"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; And wisdom to know the difference."

Relaxation, Pandora and Food.

Today has been a chill day, and I love it. This morning, my roommates (Chelsie, Zoie, Anne) and I went to Winco, and we got FOOD! Oh, it feels good to look in the fridge/ cupboards? and see food that I can eat whenever I want to. Chicken, pasta, pineapples, bell peppers... The list goes on.

Shout out to Chelsie. THANKS FOR DRIVING US TO WINCO! SAVED ME A TRIP TO BROULIMS, EVEN IF IT IS 20 FEET AWAY :]

Then, we come back and I didn't really feel like going to my group meeting. A few minutes later, I get a phone call. "Would you mind if we didn't meet today? I don't see the use in it." "No, of course I don't mind." *score!!!*

So, we have been lounging around our apartment, reading books, listening to Pandora, and having a great day.

By the way, Pandora is amazingly awesome! I never REALLY listened to it before by myself, so I did yesterday and today, and it might become one of my new best friends. Whoever came up with it is a pure genius.

So, hopefully, this night continues as the day has been. Chill, relaxing, but great at the same time.

LOVES <3

If God brought you to it, God will bring you through it.

I try to find new quotes to use in letters I send, as my Facebook status, or just to have stored in my mind and remembered for those times that I need it.

I was looking through my friends' Facebooks yesterday, and one of my friends had this as their status. It kinda fits with everything that has been happening in my life as of late.

Last weekend was a bad weekend. A bad bad bad weekend. I really didn't know what to do, how to handle anything, what to say. It was just bad. As time has passed, I realized that I will get better. Eventually, things will be just fine, and I will feel okay once again. I'm starting to now. The point is that God will always be there to help me and anyone else who needs it, no matter what. We just have to go to Him, and allow Him to help. He won't leave us alone.

I've been inspired by the tiny miracles I have seen in my life in the last few weeks, in case you couldn't tell. That's why most of my blogs have been about the power of Heavenly Father and what He can help us with. I promise I will give a blog of updates soon!

LOVES <3

Mother Eff

I hate group things. I mean, I get the meaning behind having them and what-not, but I am really starting to dislike them.

I hate missing devo.

I hate how fast life is changing right now.

I hate how I have no idea what life will bring next in my life.

I hope things will start to pick up and get better soon!

LOVES <3

Mission Prep Class

Honestly, my class is the greatest ever. It always makes me feel way better, and brings the Spirit into my life first thing in the morning. I always hear what I need to in that class. Tuesdays and Thursdays are so great.

LOVES <3

Thoughts never cease

"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some; it is in everyone. And, as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Nelson Mandela

This quote was said in Akeelah and the Bee which was showing on The Disney Channel yesterday. This quote shows that I am not afraid of growing up, of making decisions. The thing I am most afraid of is ME! I don't feel, right now, that I am gorgeous, or brilliant, or fabulous. I don't feel like I deserve anyone to date or marry since I am not the best person. I am still as closed off as I was a year ago, even if I feel that I have changed. Don't get me wrong, I know that I have grown, that I have changed, that things will get better. But, why does life have to be so hard? Why did I do the things that I did? Why did I allow myself to be broken?

I hate you. I hate everything you put me through. I hate you for making me feel like I HAD to do something, when really I didn't. I hate you for saying that you loved me, and for me believing it. I hate you for breaking me, but the thing I hate the most is that I can't hate you at all. I can't bring myself to hate you, or anyone else who has, or will, hurt me. I just wish that things had happened different.

Life, my friends, can be hard. It can be tough, sorrowful, and make you want to scream. But, life is also beautiful. Life can bring joy, happiness, fun, and make you want to scream from the buildings that you love life! Time will tell what happens to me, but I sure hope that I can get better, and that I can find someone who will help me feel good, that I will help him feel good, and that we can lift each other and get closer to God with each other. That's what I need. But, for right now, I will focus on my relationship with my Heavenly Father. That is the one and only relationship I need right now.

Help me get through this, Lord. I know I'm probably making it harder than it needs to be, but with your help, that will change.

Sorry for the random blog. It just needed to come out.

LOVES <3

Crap

I'm Broken.

Vroom vroom!

Motorcycle rides are a lot of fun! Having the wind rush by, breathing the fresh air, seeing the open sky above you... wow.

It made me want a motorcycle even more. My mom and dad say no for different reasons (my mom wants me to be safe, my dad says I'm just too short), but it was a great feeling!

Maybe I'll get one when I grow up... Because I still have some growing up to do :)

LOVES <3

There is never an answer to the question that isn't asked.

Take a second to try and understand that. I know I had to when I heard it... :)

What a weird thing to think. If you don't ask a question, you won't get an answer. In order to expand your knowledge, learn new things, get the answers you are looking for, you need to ask questions!

I know that, sometimes, I don't ask questions. But then, how am I supposed to know what others think? What they believe? How they feel? What I'm supposed to know?

Questions, to me, are some of the coolest things ever! I mean, without asking questions, you will never get to know some people, or what you are meant to know, or anything else.

Just something random I have been thinking about today.

LOVES <3

Random Text Messages...

... make my day. It's only 7:48 in the morning, and already my day has been made :)

Group Meetings?

Don't you love when you show up and no one else does? Or when you have a gajillion different group meetings in one week? Yeah, it rocks.

God is good

Prayers do get answered. If you don't think so, then it's because you haven't received the answers you wanted and so just let it go.

He answered my prayer in the sweetest way possible.

Thank you for helping.

LOVES <3

Sleep?

I need sleep. I always tell myself that I will take a nap when I get home, and then I get distracted by other things. Texting a friend, doing homework, watching TV... I really just need to sleep.

Sleeping will help the time pass. Sleeping will calm my troubled soul. Sleeping will help me to not think about if I said the right thing or not. Sleeping will help me.

I really hope that I take the time to take a nap today... I need it.

LOVES <3

Oh my goodness me

I just talked to my best friend for the last time for two years. Not gonna lie, I am worrying A LOT right now, for many reasons.

Be safe, I love you, don't worry. Everything will be okay. Just trust in the Lord, He knows what He is doing.

Please, Lord, help.

LOVES <3

I hate when you are right.

Sometimes, going to class is all you need to do.

Mission Prep has to be one of the best classes I have ever ever taken. I always seem to hear the things I need to in that class.

I've been thinking about a lot of different things over the last few days... weeks... months... Future things, past things, things that I wouldn't mind happening, things I never want to happen again. Feelings, friends, family, problems... so many things. Sometimes, I feel like I am SO in the past or future that I can't seem to appreciate the NOW, the present.

"Everything that takes away from the present takes part of your life away. Don't worry about the past or future, just live for the NOW!"

That was said by my teacher, Brother Clark, in Mission Prep today. I couldn't think of a better time to hear it. Sometimes I let the past experiences of my life affect me. Other times, I stress about the future to the point where I get too scared to grow up, get to the point where I don't even want my future to come because I am too afraid to see what happens to me. But, when I get into these stages, I detract from the now. I don't focus on the wonderful life that I am blessed with having now.

Honestly, I am blessed to be at the school I am attending. I am blessed to have the friends and roommates that I have here and back home. My family is the greatest, and I love them with all that I am. I know that everyone I have ever met has been put into my life for a reason, and I am grateful for that I know that Heavenly Father is there, and that He helps me when I really need it. Today, He helped me see that I really don't need to worry. Live in the now, remember Him, and He will help me be the happiest I will ever be.

If I can be happy, then so can you, Loyal Readers. Don't let the past or future scare you or make you feel inferior. YOU can have a happy life. YOU can find someone you need to be with. YOU can, and will, have a wonderfully magnificent life. Believe in yourself.

LOVES <3

Quotes = Love

On Facebook, I have been really into just putting a quote as my status, and then leaving it there for a bit of time.

This time around, it's "Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action."

The time before that, "Music's the only thing that makes sense anymore, man. Play it loud enough, it keeps the demons at bay" or something along those lines.

I absolutely love quotes. I love reading and discovering quotes that fit perfectly into my life. It's just great to see that someone else felt or thought of the things I do as well... If that makes sense...

Anyways, just thought I would say that :]

LOVES <3

Halloween

I had fun this Halloween. We went to a dance party, and it was a blast! I got asked to dance twice by the same guy. It was fun. :] Here are some pictures.

Thirteen Reasons Why

So, I went to Borders one day when my family and I were shopping, and I started to read this book, "Thirteen Reasons Why" by Jay Asher. It caught my attention, and seemed very interesting. In the book, it talks about thirteen reasons why a girl committed suicide. Kinda morbid, I know, but interesting at the same time... At least to me.

Anyways, I wanted to give thirteen reasons of why I love life in this blog. Just because it feels like a good time to.

Thirteen Reasons Why Symone Misao Stout Loves Life:

1) My parents

2) My siblings

3) My roommates

4) My bestie best friends

5) My best friends (yes, there is a difference :D)

6) My religion

7) My school

8) Sunsets

9) Music

10) Movies

11) 3 hours of television every Thursday

12) Learning new things every day

13) Quotes that I live by every day

Every single one of these things, plus many many others, reminds me daily that Life IS Beautiful.

Even when things get tough, these things help me get through.

Just thought I would let everyone know :]

LOVES <3

When something goes UP, more than likely it will come crashing down.

Yesterday was a rough day on me. I really have no other way to explain it. My emotions were going crazy, and I was frustrated and irritated and stressed and had no idea what to do.

"I feel that if I hadn't texted you first, you probably wouldn't have talked to me."

Excuses, then no excuses. Apologies, crying, talking. Confusion, having to say what I truly felt, bitterness, let it go.

I feel better today. I do. A weight has surely been lifted off my shoulders. But, I still don't understand what I am supposed to do. I guess I have done all I can to help.

The ball's in your court. If you need help, you can ask, but you have to ACT on what you know.

I love you, mister, but you need to start getting better. If not for yourself, for your friends. They miss you being happy.

LOVES <3

I love my brother.

Growing up, I hated him. We fought all the time, said some terrible things to each other, and never wanted anything to do with one another.

My 9th grade year was the worst. I was in "high school", he was a sevie. He told me to f- myself. Of course I did tell all his friends that he still wet the bed... Not a very good year for us.

Then, I started getting boyfriends, and my little brudder started to act like the older son. The "my sister is a one-of-a-kind girl, you will never find another girl like her in your lifetime, so you screw with her, and I will mess up your face" kind of brother.

Now, I love my brother. He is the greatest. He is my protecting brother. The one I can talk to if something has bothered me. The one who will throw me surprise parties on my birthday because I don't have anything planned. The one who will mix yellow cake batter, grab two spoons, sit with me and eat it while watching a movie. The one who is finally happy again, and I am so happy to see that.

He is in Choir and does theater, which is the GREATEST thing for him. He is so good at it, and I can tell he loves it, whether he wants to admit it or not.

Malcolm starts singing at 1:45 :D

Malcolm, you are amazing, and I will love you always and forever. You are the greatest brother!

LOVES <3

Just saying

no matter how angry you get, or how long you don't talk to me, I will still be here for you.

Does that make me a dumb person?

This is something I want to do.

Have you seen the show "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition"? You know, that show where Ty Pennington and crew go to deserving families, tear their house down and rebuild them a better house?

Well, I want to be a volunteer on that show REALLY badly! I just think it would be a lot of fun to help a deserving family get a new house, one that will be better for them in the long run. I have watched this show for many years, and it never ceases to make me cry.

One day, I WILL be a part of this.

LOVES <3

Ave Maria

We will never get this research paper done... My group keeps getting distracted!!!

HELP ME!

AND NOW! I have to research something totally different than what I have been!

BLEH!

LOVES <3

Sickness...

Sucks.

Sore Throat. Stuffy/Runny Nose. Cough. 99.7 degree temperature. Not wanting to hear I have swine.

Erin, my roommate, thinks I do, since it has been going around at school.

Hopefully I don't... I am in mucho need of soup... and tissues... and other friends...

But thank the Lord for roommates who love me! :]

LOVES <3

Weekend

My weekend isn't over yet, but a lot has already happened. On Friday, Chelsie, Jillise, Mindie, Kaiti, and I went to a bonfire, hosted by Vicki. It was a lot of fun! I still smell of bonfire :( but that's okay.

Wow, I look scary...

Then, on Saturday, I went on a day-long field trip for my Natural Disasters class. We went to the Teton Dam site, Henry's Lake, Island Park, West Yellowstone, and other places. We talked about different natural disasters that had occurred in those places. It was a very interesting trip, but I don't think it had to take 9 hours out of my day to do.

Now, it's Sunday. I miss people today... And I've been thinking a lot over the weekend, and I don't know how to organize my thoughts. Maybe I just need to write them all down and then rip it up. That might help...

LOVES <3

It's weird how interconnected life can be.

Yesterday, Dallin H. Oaks, an apostle from the LDS church, came to my school and gave a devotional talk. In his talk, he discussed how the freedom of religion is being threatened by the world, and we need to protect it. Another thing he brought up, though, was the Prop 8 problems in CA that resulted when Prop 8 was approved, and members of the community started to gang up on the LDS church, and other churches as well, for supporting it. He said, "We have endured a wave of media-reported charges that the Mormons are trying to 'deny' people or 'strip' people of their 'rights.' " The Mormons have not tried to strip anyone of their rights, we are just trying to protect our rights of religion, as well as protect the basic "core legal definition and practice of marriage in Western culture for thousands of years."

But, anyways, moving on. After this devotional, I was kind of confused, because that was not what I was expecting to hear from an apostle of the Lord. I didn't get why he talked about it, but I figured it must be important if he wanted to talk about it. Then, this morning, I looked on my Facebook, and got an invitation to join a group. I look at the group, and it is titled "Students for R-71: Support giving the rights to gays/lesbians/trans-gendered who deserve them." And it's funny to me because I don't know what to do about it. I don't want to take "rights" away from everyone, but if the nation agrees that marriage is between a man and a woman, there isn't much to be done. Also, do you get marriage-like rights if you are just living with another person? I don't find that fair, but that's just me. Anyways, I don't know what to do about this, but hopefully people will start to see that trying to change the rights of certain things infringes on the rights of others, and we need to find a middle ground. Just my opinion…

LOVES <3

Random Temple Adventure

So, I feel a little bad about this, but today me and one of my roomies skipped out on the last two hours of church, and took a trip up to the temple. And we took some pictures. We are so cool :)

Oh life

Sometimes I'm confused. Sometimes I'm way happy. Sometimes I just wish the future could be the present.

I've been thinking about a lot of different things over the last week, and I am mostly confused than anything else. I know with time the confusion might leave, but I don't know...

Why now?!

LOVES <3

Dear Santa,

For Christmas, there are a couple things I would like.

If all my family puts the gift money together, I would love an SLR digital camera :)

If that's not the case, then here is my list...

1) Remember the Titans DVD

2) Mulan on DVD

3) Disney movies on DVD

4) The Office CLUE Game

5) Seasons 1, 3-5 of The Office

6) Seasons 1-5 of Grey's Anatomy

7) Money LoL

8) A job

9) New clothes

10) Every single Glee song

11) Michael Buble CDs

12) Some other things that I can't remember...

Just a note to give you an idea, Santa. I've been good, I promise :D

LOVES <3

Two years later....

ONE OF MY best friends (have to make that clear for some girls here at BYU-I... hahaha) just left to go back home in CA. After going home, and sometime later this month (fingers crossed!), he will be off to Guatemala and serving a mission for the church.

...I am way excited and sad at the same time...

This week was a weird one. I was in a fight for most of the week with people from back home, read something on Facebook that made me really upset, and I miss my family. Also, my friend was up here at school, but things weren't the same. The light was gone, the joy was nonexistent, and the excitement to come out here was now excitement to go home.

No laughter... No talks... Nothing.

I felt lost, like nothing that I could do would help him in any way, no matter what he said. I call it "selective listening."

Friday, the last day. We went to dinner in Idaho Falls at Olive Garden. So good! And I saw it... a glimpse of Fall semester... laughing, talking, looking at stars, singing songs... Bliss.

I wasn't ready for that, and with that happening, it made saying goodbye for a fourth time harder than expected, but at least now I know I am truly saying goodbye.

Be safe, stay strong, and know the Lord loves you. I won't say goodbye.

See you in two years, Elder Ivey.

LOVES <3

Ch- Ch- Ch- CHANGES!

Okay, so I have sat in my room most days, and have thought about the past.

High School...

First year of college...

Mistakes...

Family...

School activities...

Friends...

Music...

Movies...

Clothes...

And you know what I realized? I have changed! And you want to know something else? I like the person I have become, and I don't want her to leave.

It's weird to look on the past and see the things that have occurred. At times, when I think back, I don't feel good. I feel sick to my stomach, I feel like I could have handled things better. But, without those "accidents", I don't think I would be where I am now. Being at the school I am at, I can feel myself getting happy. I can feel weights being lifted off my shoulders, and I know that, honestly, I don't need to deal with those things anymore. I can MOVE ON! I don't have to hide behind a mask to be who I want. I am now free to be the girl I want.

It took a lot to get me to this point... And, obviously, I still make mistakes. I still do things that I most likely shouldn't do, and I choose things that aren't good. But, I am doing it less and less, and I love that.

So, will the old Symone please step aside, and allow the new Symone to take your place. It'll be better, I promise :]

LOVES <3

I want to get better... I WILL get better.

“Try a little harder to be a little better.” - Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley

You know, everyone isn't at the top. Not even those you are CEOs of different companies are at the top. Sure, for worldly things they may be at the top, but that's not the top I am thinking about.

All of us, everyone here on this Earth, can reach for a higher spiritual level, to be close to THAT top.

Try a little harder to be a little better. I heard this quote in my mission prep class. It couldn't have come at a better time in my life. For a while now, I know that I need to get a little better, not only spiritually but emotionally and mentally as well. I, in my short life of 19 years, have gone through a lot... All of which was my choice. In this life, as I believe it, we all have moral agency. We have the CHOICE to either follow God (or whoever you believe to be the source of greatest happiness) or to just do what you want, when you want, with who you want.

The sad part is, when you waver... slip away... do those things that you KNOW are wrong, but don't care... you get lost. You can't see the way, you can't feel happiness. You wander around, not knowing who to talk to... what to do now... You did what you wanted, thinking it would bring you happiness, which it may have done, but for only a little amount of time. And then you are back to where you started, wishing you could find a way to get happiness in your life, but choosing the short path.

Try a little harder to be a little better. You need to see the BIG picture. The choices made at this time in your life will affect everything to comes afterwards. And that's what I have been trying to work on a lot. I need to realize that there is a bigger picture, that there is a greater plan for me. I need to stay on the path to make sure that better part of my life truly does come around.

So, I guess I just wanted to say that I know this is something I can work on. I know what I want now, and it's not the worldly things, or the short term happiness. I want ETERNAL happiness, bliss, and to feel great at all times, not just for a little while.

So, I'm starting now to apply this quote in my life. I WILL try a little harder to be a little better. Sure, it may be hard, but I have friends, family, and Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ to help me. With their help, there is nothing I can't do.

LOVES <3>

Sleep

Sleep, sleep, sleep.

Me and Chelsie have been going to bed early, so I don't understand why I want to sleep all the time.

My head gets heavy... my eyelids start to close... my head droops... forward... zzzzzZZZZZzzzz..

WHOOPS! Sorry, guys. Didn't mean to doze off on ya ;)

But, honestly, I am really sleepy. I am hoping that my body will adjust to this new sleeping schedule I am on, and fast. I can't keep going through my day like a walking zombie!

Love ya, loyal readers.

LOVES <3

This Week

Should be a good week. I mean, we have Conference this weekend. I am going down to Utah and seeing my grandparents, and maybe other family. I get to many wonderful people of my religion speak on topics that I might need. I might see friends, I might not. Depends on how I feel hahaha.

This last weekend I went home. It was a good and bad weekend at the same time. Fights, loss of two different games, and shoe shopping weren't exactly my highlights. BUT I did have fun hanging out with my family and doing things with them.

BTW, Patrick is the cutest boy I have ever ever ever seen, and that will never change... I think...

But hopefully I will get through this week without a hitch, and things will go well.

I love school, but I can't wait until I am done with it.

TTFN, Loyal Readers.

LOVES <3

SO RANDOM!

Okay, so this post might not make any sense, but it's come into my mind a lot recently.

While at school, I have seen a lot of people that look like others from my high school. I don't know why, but it's true. I always take a double look, or have this confusion go across my face.

And, you know, I realized that the Lord truly did make us all in His image. All of us look somewhat alike in some way. I didn't really notice it until now.

Just thought I'd say that.

LOVES <3

3 Hours and 15 Minutes of Sleep Later...

So, I was supposed to have the Book of Mormon done by today, at 9AM.

When I started reading last night, I was in Helaman 6. I had to read 150 pages. I was getting so tired, I honestly thought I couldn't do it...

Here I am, at 8:06 in the morning, after 3 hours and 15 minutes of sleep to tell you, loyal readers, that I did it. I finished the Book of Mormon. And, to be honest, I wouldn't have been able to do it without the Lord's help.

So, thank you for helping me :]

LOVES <3

For Good

There is a song that I listen to whenever I think about my friends. Something that reminds me what most of my friends have done in my life, and what I hope to do in the lives of my friends. It's the song, "For Good", from the musical "Wicked". Although I haven't seen the musical, I have heard and listened to this song many times.

That people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn, and we are led to those who help us most to grow if we let them and we help them in return.

I believe this line. We truly are led to those friends who will help us to grow, and we have to help them grow as well. I believe that God has a plan for every individual person, and within that plan is who are friends will be. I also think that I have met my bestest best friends before we were even born. That gives me hope.

You'll be with me like a handprint on my heart.

Even though, with some friends, we have split or gone our separate ways, they will always be here. Every friend I have will always have a special soft spot in my heart, and I want them to know that. I also think about what I have learned from every friend, and it helps me see who I want to be in the future.

I ask forgiveness for the things I've done you blame me for.

I know I have made mistakes. I know that I have caused hurt and pain and disappointment to come to my friends, whether we were really close or not. And I want to say sorry. I am sorry for whatever I have done, whatever I am doing now, and whatever I will possibly do in the future.

Another song that I have been listening to "Second Chance" by Shinedown.

"Why you always running in place?"

You know, this happens to the best of us. We feel like we are moving, like we are going forward and then something happens... And we are back at where we started. Or, we don't feel like changing because all change is bad... We need to realize that, when we do this, we are just running in place. We aren't advancing, we aren't getting better.

I AM CHANGING THIS TODAY!

Sometimes goodbye is a second chance

Sometimes, goodbye is what we need. We need that chance to say, "I'm done. I am ready to leave. I am ready to be myself, to not have to deal with this." SOMETIMES GOODBYE IS A SECOND CHANCE! I don't remember that sometimes. And I need to.

Today really is a new day, my friends. I can, and will, do all that I want to do, not what you may want or what you may say I should do.

My name is Symone Stout, and I am my own person. Let me be me.

LOVES <3

Today feels like a New Day

Honestly, I feel like myself again. I am happy, I am concentrating, I am understanding, I am learning and growing. Sure, I still feel doubts come into my head, but they subside, because I know. I know that God exists. How else could the world be as it is? How else could the human body be the way it is? Every single thing here on Earth points towards the existence of a God, a Supreme Being, my Heavenly Father. I don't know how I could be happier.

Lots of things have happened in my life over the last three years, some good, some... not so good. BUT, today, I feel like it's over. Like, I am done. The weight has been lifted, and I shouldn't be worrying about it anymore. Shouldn't talk about it... Shouldn't think about it... Shouldn't...

Reading the scriptures a little everyday has helped with this, I think. Since I started reading them, I have felt the Lord more in my life, and it makes me feel better. I don't ever want this to go away.

I love my roommates. I love my friends, old and new. I love my family. I love my life.

The Lord knew what He was doing when He made His plan. He knew exactly who I would need in my life, what kind of trials I would have to go through. He knew what I would need to say, what I would need to do, and what I would need to think in order to be the beloved Daughter of God I am.

Today is a good day. I just hope these feelings can last the rest of the week.

Loyal readers, I hope that your day is going well, and that you too can feel the things that I have been feeling today.

LOVES <3