Saturday, March 28, 2009

Simplicity vs Complexity

"When we were little, skin color didn't matter, what you wore didn't have to match, and the word stress was too big to comprehend. That is when life was simple, why can't it be like that always? simple, not complex."
- Whitney G. Hobbs

What do you think? Do you wish that life was simple, or complicated? Or, do you wish it could be a mixture of both?

I like mixtures, personally.

Sometimes, you need complexity in your life in order to get the blessings God has promised you.

But simple times need to come around in order to keep you sane.
As you grow up, you learn that life becomes more and more complex. There is no way to prevent this from happening, it is a way of life. Work, school, busy schedules, all that gets in the way. What we need to do is take some time everyday to go back to how things were when we were little, when there was no complexity. We need to keep ourselves as children: innocent, loving, respectful. When we do that, we will be able to have a better life.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

When life hands you lemons...

Make lemonade.

What if you can't make lemonade? What if you don't have the sugar and water to help make the lemonade sweet and enjoyable?

I have had a rough couple days, full of "lemons" and not much "sugar." I have been trying to keep my head up, but it's hard.

I am a Crisis Hotline. I always have and always will put other people ahead of me. I feel bad when things don't go according to plan, even if I don't have to. I want to help everyone I meet, no matter what. I need to feel the satisfaction that I actually helped someone with a problem, not just listened to them and then bid them on their way. I feel bad when I fall asleep in the middle of listening to someone. I just.... don't know what to do.

School ends in 2 weeks today. What then? Mike, Brian, Chelsie, Jillise, Jordan, everybody who I have hung out with the last two semesters will be gone. I will need to make new friends, but I have had a hard enough time doing that this semester.

I am just worried...

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Nevada City...

How I miss thee.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Monday, March 9, 2009

I DON'T GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean, honestly, how can you go from being a Mormon, raised in the church, believing that there is a God, to stopping point blank and now being a proclaimed atheist? And THEN go to all your friends who are either Mormon or Christian and ask how they could possibly believe in a supreme being. HOW CAN YOU NOT?! How else would the human body be the way that it is? How would you have a thumb? There is no way evolution would cause the thumb to come about. What about nature itself? All the things in this galaxy and others? I just don't understand how you can not like how we "push" our beliefs on you, but you can do it to us. Unfair.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

So, I recently read this book, and fell in love with it. While reading it, I found some quotes that stuck with me, and I want to write about them, and why they stuck with me.

"Charlie, we accept the love we think we deserve."
For some reason, I really like this quote. It really shows me that, although some people may be in abusive relationships, and everyone else can't understand why they put themselves through that, that is the love they think they deserve. Everyone accepts the love they truly feel they deserve, whether other people think that or not. It isn't something anyone can change, it's just something that happens.

"Not everyone has a sob story, Charlie, and even if they do, it's no excuse."
With this quote, I think a lot about how everyone uses their past as an excuse for how they act today. "I went through a bad time", or "I was beaten as a kid", or "My dad drank, so of course I was going to." Whatever happened in your past should stay in your past, you shouldn't allow it to affect your future. You can learn from it, accept that you can't change it, and then move on. Once you do this, you will be able to see your future in a brighter light, and things will become so much better for you.

"He's a wallflower... You see things, you keep quiet about them, and you understand."
Although having these traits may help you understand others and accept people for who they are, you can't always be a wallflower, which is something the main character, Charlie, has to learn. You can still observe and learn things, but you can also participate, and take those things that you learn about others and use them to form friendships or to act for yourself. Being a wallflower doesn't mean just standing around all the time, just sometimes. If that makes sense... LoL

"The way a woman looks is not the most important thing."
This statement is SO TRUE!! I hate how people judge someone based on how they look. There are more parts to a woman other than if she is skinny, has great hair, has beautiful eyes, etc. We as a society need to learn to look on the inner beauty, which will then make her even more beautiful on the outside. Inner beauty is the only thing that really matters, anyway.

"I don't know if you ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That's why I'm trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning."
I know that there has been a time where I have felt like this. Not the greatest feeling in the world. But, instead of letting that be all you think about, and all you want, you need to realize that there is something greater for you, something more than even you can imagine. Even though you may be going through one of the hardest times of your life, you need to remember that everything happens for a reason, and "this, too, shall pass."

"It was vast and openly and thinly quiet, and I felt so small."
Have you ever had that feeling? The one where you feel so small, and inconsiderate? Where you don't know how anyone can see you or understand you? Well, don't feel that way. Even if there isn't someone here that will take the time to understand you and make you feel welcome, there is always Heavenly Father, who is more than willing to take the time to listen to you and to help you. He always has and will be there.

"... I wished I could have made her feel better, but sometimes, I guess you just can't."
There have been many a time where I just wish I could take the pain from someone and have them feel better. Where I could help them see things in a more positive light. But, sometimes, that isn't possible. We aren't all Superman, we can't save the world all the time. But we need to try to help. And if they won't allow you to help, then so be it. You tried, and there is nothing else that you can do.

"Girls are weird, and I don't mean that offensively. I just can't put it any other way."
How true of a statement! Girls are weird, it is true. I am a girl, and I can honestly say that we are weird. We change our minds too much, we say one thing but do another. One day we can be uber happy about something, and the next minute be so pissed that we don't even remember what we were happy about. We have mood swings, we get on people's nerves. BUT that's just how we are. Embrace us. We are different and we know it.

"Everything can't be low self-esteem, can it?"
When we try to figure out what is wrong with someone, and why they do the things that they do, it is not always low self-esteem. There are more factors to it than just that, and we need to remember that. Not everyone has low self-esteem, but they may have another problem hidden deep inside. We need to show love, compassion and respect towards them, because although they mat not appear to be dealing with something bigger than we can imagine, they may be just doing that.

"... People who try to control situations all the time are afraid that if they don't, nothing will work out like the way they want."
I think I am kind of like this, or used to be at least. Always needing to know the plans BEFORE we do anything, always making sure things go according to plan or everything could essentially combust. It was hard for me, because I just wanted to make sure that everything went well, and that nothing bad happened at anytime, anywhere. But I think I have started to loosen up, and be more open to just having adventures, with no set plans. It's more fun, I think.

"Not thinking anything. Not feeling anything. Not hearing [anything]... Something really is wrong with me. And I don't know what it is."
There are many times where I have felt like this, where I knew that something was horribly wrong, but I didn't know what. I had to get checked to find out what it was. Feeling this way isn't good, and when someone comes to you and says that they feel like this, help them. Take them to a professional if you know that you can't really help as much as you'd like. It'll make things better for everyone.

" I just wish that God... would just tell me what's wrong with me. Just tell me how to be different in a way that makes sense. To make this all go away. And disappear... Things get worse before they get better."
When I read the first part, the thing that came into my mind is, "Don't we all?!" Doesn't everyone wish that someone would tell them what is wrong, and how to fix it to make it go away for good? Not everyone likes being different, and if you don't, then just ask someone for help. The second part of the quote made me think of Harvey Dent in The Dark Knight, "The night is darkest just before the dawn. And I promise you, the dawn is coming." Things really do get worse before they can get better, but you need to remember that God will not give you more than you can handle. He knows what you can handle, and what things you can go through and come out strong because of. Don't let one bad time get you down. Our Relief Society president said a really good quote yesterday. She said, "Whenever there is an entrance, God gives an exit." He will not leave you stranded.

" I feel good... Really good. Like I'm free or something. Like I don't have to pretend anymore."
I felt this way when I came out to school. What an amazing feeling! You don't have to pretend to be someone you're not, you don't have to be fake. You can be you, no matter what. I love that feeling so much.

" It's hard to see a friend hurt this much. Especially when ou can't do anything except 'be there'. "
I LOVE THIS QUOTE! One of my favorites in the entire book. Because that is one of the things that I have had to, and will continue to, deal with. It really is hard to just sit back and not be able to do anything to help, all you have to do is "be there." It is hard to just sit and listen and not want to punch someone in the face, or come rescue them. But, sometimes, that is all you can do, and you need to accept that.

"I would die for you. But I won't live for you."
What a profound quote. You will die for someone, but not live for them. I don't know what else to say about this quote, it's just one that really makes you think.

"... I guess we all forget sometimes, and I think everyone is special in their own way. I really do."
This quote is so true. Everyone forgets how special they are everyone once in a while, and that is so sad. Everyone really is special in their own little ways, whether they see it or not. We, as their friends, need to remember to show them just how special they are to us. We can't let them forget. And in doing so, someone will do the same for us.

" I think that should be the tradition. The kid gets gifts from everybody, and he/she buys one present for his/her mom since she was there, too."
I think I may do this. It's true, our mothers were there as well. Shouldn't they get a gift for the hard work they had to go through for 9 or less months? They carried us around, were put on bed rest, had trials, and then gave birth to us. I think they deserve a present for all their hard work, don't you?

" If somebody likes me, I want them to like the real me, not what they think I am. ... I want them to show me, so I can feel it, too. ... So, why should I care whether he really love me or not when he didn't really even know me?"
We should all remember to be ourselves in every aspect of our lives, whether it is with friends, family, boyfriends/girlfriends, teachers, everyone. Being fake will get you no where in the long run. You need to show YOU, not change to fit into what everyone else is doing, or thinking you should be. During highschool or other years, this is a really hard thing to remember. To just be yourself. But once we do remember this, we will feel better about ourselves, and we will know that the people we hang with are true friends, not just friends with the "fake" us.

"And even if somebody else has it much worse, it doesn't really change the fact that you have what you have."
I am not going to lie, I hate the saying, "There are starving kids in Africa, so you should eat all your food." I know, I am a horrible person, but I hate that. I know that there are kids and other people in the world who are stricken with famine, war, diseases, everything. My heart and prayers go out to them on a continual basis. But that doesn't change the fact that I am hurting because of what I am going through. My problem may not be as big or that hard of a trial, but it is to me, and we need to remember that no matter what is going on in the world, it doesn't change that we have our own trials that seem as big as those.

" But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can feel okay about them."
What a true statement. We can't choose the life we had as a child. We weren't able to choose whether our mothers beat us, or our fathers were gone 24/7 for work. We weren't able to choose whether we lived in an abusive home, or one where love was shown all around, day in and day out. BUT we can choose our future. We can choose to either have the same, or a better life for the kids that we will one day bring into this world. I personally loved the home that I was in, and I hope to show the same love and compassion to my kids.

" It's okay to feel things. And be who you are about them."
If something hurts you, show that it does. If something makes you happy, show it. Don't hide the feelings that you have just because someone may get offended or someone will not appreciate it. However you feel about something is how you feel. Nothing can, or should, change that, and you need to feel confident enough to show the world the real you.

So, like I said, I love this book. If you haven't read it, you really should go and find it, either at the library or buy it at a bookstore. You won't be dissappointed.


Wednesday, March 4, 2009

This is an update blog.

So I went home last weekend, Feb 27- March 2. I had a lot of fun. Got to spend time with the family, see friends, and marvel at Malcolm's musical and acting ability. He was the lead in his schools musical, Godspell, and it was amazing.

The video is long, I know, but it is so good. In this clip, it is when Jesus is being crucified. Just an amazing musical. BTW, don't be "alarmed" when the fire alarm goes off. Yes, it does go off, so try to watch this without headphone or being too loud.

THEN I come back to the burg, and yesterday I made a trip to the hospital. I had an anxiety attack, I guess, which caused the hyperventilation to happen. Basically, I was short of breath and I had tingly sensations in my toes which moved to my legs, then my right eyebrow and finally my arms and hands. They said that was because I was blowing out too much CO2, which is Carbon Dioxide, for all you who didn't know that. They took my blood work and an x-ray to see if there was anything else wrong, but there wasn't. And they gave me ativan, which made me go crazy and I didn't like it at all. BUT all this doesn't explain why I had shortness of breath a few days ago, and why my chest hurt before the attack. Anyways, that was my Tuesday pretty much. Missed devotional AND class. First time since starting school.

Now, I should go study for my test in Personal Health and Wellness. :P