Thursday, October 21, 2010

Today was not the best day...

So I cleaned.  And I may clean some more.  Why?  Don't know, I just feel like cleaning.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Sunday, October 17, 2010

"The best thing in life is to find someone who knows all your strength and weaknesses but still thinks your completely amazing."                                                                         

Dear Old Friend,

As I sit here thinking about the things I learned at church today, something hit me.  During the last four years of my life, most of my time and attention was spent on you.  Instead of showing you the appropriate way to act towards a girl, I allowed you to believe that a girl should be pushed around, made to follow what you say, and scared to do anything you wouldn't approve of.  Shame on me.  I am sorry for not showing you that how you treated me was wrong.  That I, as a girl, as a daughter of God, should not be forced to do anything I don't want to do.  That I don't have to listen when you get angry and cause me to tremble in fear because you MIGHT do something.  That I don't have to answer your texts as soon as I get them.  That I don't have to talk to you if I am mad at you.  What you did wasn't that nice or appropriate, but I shouldn't have allowed it to happen.  For that, I am sorry.  I am sorry that I placed in your mind expectations of how girls should act.  How you treated me should not be how you treat other girls.  Please don't do this to any other girls.

Now that I am out of it, though, realize that you no longer have any power.  I know how I want to be treated, I know that I will not allow another boy to do what you did to me.  I am really starting to mend the broken pieces, and because of that, I know that I can move on happily, without looking back.

I know what I want in life, because you showed me the opposite.  For that, I say thank you.  Without getting out of whatever we had, I wouldn't have seen that it was wrong.  That a girl shouldn't be treated like that.  My name is Symone Misao Stout, and I deserve better.  Sure, that may be a selfish thing to say, but it is true.

I don't hate you, and I am not mad about what you did.  I have forgiven you for all that.  I just wanted to say that I hope you know that what you did wasn't right, and you have to make sure you don't do that to someone else.


Symone Stout

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

I'm not angry

I swear, I'm not. I may appear to be rather angry at times, but I am not. If anything, I am in a complete state of confusion. And, I don't know what to do in order to get out of it. Ugh.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

May You Have...

Enough happiness to keep you sweet,

Enough trials to keep you strong, 

Enough sorrow to keep you human,

Enough hope to keep you happy; 

Enough failure to keep you humble,

Enough success to keep you eager, 

Enough friends to give you comfort,

Enough wealth to meet your needs; 

Enough enthusiasm to look forward,

Enough faith to banish depression, 

Enough determination to make each day better than yesterday.

Monday, October 11, 2010

The last few weeks from my eyes.

"We were on such a spiritual high from conference..."
"Curse you, Satan!!!  He would do that!  Oh, I'm pissed!"

This was a conversation I had with one of my roommates today.  September 26 through October 3 was one of the best weeks I have ever had.  I was happy, I felt alive, and I felt like nothing could bring me down.  Then came October 4-10.  Ugh, this was not a good week, not only for me but for my roommates, as well.  There were fights, broken hearts, confusion, bad feelings, and not truly knowing what to expect.  There was no way to explain why things were that way, and there was no way to know what to do to make it better.

Today, as I was talking to my roommate and trying to figure out how things had gone so bad, it was because of that.  There may be many of you that don't believe in the Devil, or God, for that matter, but I do.  And, at least to me, it makes sense that Satan wanted to make things more difficult for my roommates and I right after we had received such a spiritual experience over the weekend. 

We need trials, and we need to know that things will be bad at times throughout our lives.  It is an inevitable part of living on this Earth.  It's how we REACT to those trials that will make our lives good or not.  Personally, I am grateful for those trials that I have gone through, this last week, these last four years, heck, my whole life.  Without going through them, I wouldn't be who I am today.  I wouldn't have met the people I have, I wouldn't be feeling as I am, and I wouldn't be able to help others through the trials that they, themselves, are going through.  

Because of the things I have gone through this week, I see that there are many things that I need to change in my life in order to truly be the person God wants me to be.  Patience, opening up, and controlling my feelings are among the list.  I realized today that I can't live in fear of letting people know about my past, and the things that have happened.  They happened, and nothing can be done to fix it.  I can't let it hold me back, and I hope that if you are reading this and have the feeling that something is holding you back, don't let it.  Wallowing in self pity will truly get you nowhere.  You have to let the past be the past, and move on.  

"This life is not always easy, nor was it meant to be; it is a time of testing and proving."  -Quentin L. Cook

There will be times when doubt creeps in, or when you feel alone and there is no one left to talk to.  I know that has happened to me, and will most likely happen again.  The thing I have come to recognize and learn is that, through it all, no one is ever truly alone.  Jesus Christ is there, and will always be there.  He has gone through everything and knows exactly how we feel.  If there is anyone out there to go to, it is Him.

I know this is a random post, but this has been on my mind a lot since last night.  There are obviously a lot of things I need to work on in my life, and I know that trials will always come my way, but because I know and believe that Christ is there to help me, I will not be so discouraged.  No matter what decisions are made, no matter what choices I follow, I know that there will be someone there who will love me and want me to be the best that I can be.  How can I feel so bad with that knowledge in my mind?

Whenever you feel alone, or need a friend, remember that Christ is there.  And, if you just need someone to talk to, complain to, yell at, or just cry to, I am here as well.  This goes for anyone who reads this.


Thursday, October 7, 2010

Little Things

It's the little things you do that make all the difference.

Thanks for doing those little things. :)


Friday, October 1, 2010

I am happy

There really isn't much more to say.

I am happy, and I love being happy.