Saturday, December 25, 2010

Oh, Christmas

Christmas is one of my all-time favorite holidays.  Not only is it a chance to remember the Savior on a more general basis, but it is also a time for family.  My family traditions are great to me.  I hope to continue some of them with my future family.

My traditions go like this...

A few days before Christmas Eve, we pick names of the family to do Secret Santa to.  Then, we go to Wal-Mart and buy the gifts, with a $10 limit.

Later that night, we go caroling to family friends with a plate of cookies and other goodies.

Then, we come home and put on our new pj's, then give our Secret Santa gifts to whoever we had.  Then, we read the story of Christ's birth from the scriptures, then watch The Nightmare Before Christmas.

The next day, the kids all wake up WAY before our parents, and look through our stockings.  Then, when my parents wake up, we pass one gift to every member of the family, and open them together.  And it goes like that until all the presents under the tree have been opened.

Then, we go to DENNY'S in our pajamas, messy hair, stinky breath, no make-up, deodorant, anything.  It's one of my favorite traditions.  After Denny's, we come home and play with all our new things.  Then, we either have dinner here at home or with my grandparents. 

It really is a great holiday for my family,and I love that it is always the same every year.  Exactly the way I like it. :)

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Something's coming.  I can feel it.


My mom's song to me.

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder 
You get your fill to eat 
But always keep that hunger 
May you never take one single breath for granted 
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed 
I hope you still feel small 
When you stand by the ocean 
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens 
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance 

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance 
I hope you dance 
I hope you dance 

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance 
Never settle for the path of least resistance 
Living might mean taking chances 
But they're worth taking 
Lovin' might be a mistake 
But it's worth making 
Don't let some hell bent heart 
Leave you bitter 
When you come close to selling out 
Give the heavens above 
More than just a passing glance 

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance 
I hope you dance 
(Time is a real and constant motion always) 
I hope you dance 
(Rolling us along) 
I hope you dance 
(Tell me who) 
I hope you dance 
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder) 
(Where those years have gone) 

I hope you still feel small 
When you stand by the ocean 
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens 
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance 

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance 
I hope you dance 
I hope you dance 
(Time is a real and constant motion always) 
I hope you dance 
(Rolling us along) 
I hope you dance 
(Tell me who) 
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder) 
I hope you dance 
(Where those years have gone) 

(Tell me who) 
I hope you dance 
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder) 
(Where those years have gone) 

I love this song.  Every time I hear it, I can't help but feel good.  Things have been tricky over the last little while, with me being the epitome of a girl for the last week and a half.  Stressing, worrying, and not being calm about a lot of different things.  But, I listened to this song and knew that I would be okay.  That I shouldn't worry about things.  That I should just let time run it's course.  

So, that's what I will do.  

My name is Symone, and I worry.

Have you seen the movie "Taken"?  If not, you should watch it.  I absolutely love that movie.

In the movie, there's a line that goes, "You don't have to worry."  "That's like telling water not to be wet, sweetie."

I worry.  I am in a constant state of worry, and I can't help it.  It's been that way for a while.  I just worry that little things I do will cause someone to not want to talk to me anymore, or because I am not being told something that changes are occurring without me knowing, and it worries me.

I have had far too many experiences where people have said one thing, but done another and later told me that everything they said was a lie.  I have also had those people who had problems with me or had things they wanted to tell me, but they never did.  So, as their minds were changing, or things were changing in regards to our relationship, they were keeping me in the dark and not allowing me to know until the day they said, "I am done" and left me behind, wondering what the heck just happened.

That is why I am worrying.  I don't want things to be changing on your end and me not know about it.  I need you to tell me and PROVE to me that things are the same.  That, even though things have been off for the last little bit of time, that things haven't changed and won't change.  I need the reassurance.  I am not saying that you need to tell me at all times of the day, or even every single day.  But, every once in a while, I like to be reminded.  And I need you to let me know that I am not crazy, and that yes, I do have a right to worry, but that I don't need to anymore.

Can you do that?

Monday, December 13, 2010

So... Sleepy...

I will be taking some sleeping pills and putting in earplugs to hopefully get some sleep tonight.  It has not been a good last week and a half.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Simplicity is key.

While sitting here, helping plan my roommate's wedding, I have been getting ideas about what I want for my wedding, and I've realized something...

I like things to be simple.  I want a simple ring, simple dress... Just simple.

Then, I realized that not only do I want a simple wedding, I need simplicity in my life.  I don't want to overanalyze things anymore, I don't want to over think things, I don't want to allow things to bug me when they really shouldn't.

So, I am deciding to make my life simple again.

Simplicity is what I need.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Faith and Fear Cannot Coexist.

“…verily I say unto you there were fears in your hearts, and verily this is the reason that ye did not receive.” (D&C 67:3)  As I read this scripture, I wondered why it was so important to get rid of fear before going to the Lord for guidance.  I brought this question up to a friend, who said that the reason we don’t need fear is because the Lord is going to give us exactly what we need.  Even if it is not what we WANT, it will be what we NEED at that point in life. 

Even though I know that the Lord has helped me before in life, there are times where I am hesitant to go to the Lord for help, because I am either scared to ask for help, scared of the answer He will give me, or because I do not feel like I am worthy to go to the Lord and request His help. 

President Gordon B. Hinckley, in a talk entitled “God Hath Not Given Us the Spirit of Fear”, states, “Who among us can say that he or she has not felt fear? I know of no one who has been entirely spared. Some, of course, experience fear to a greater degree than do others. Some are able to rise above it quickly, but others are trapped and pulled down by it and even driven to defeat. We suffer from the fear of ridicule, the fear of failure, the fear of loneliness, the fear of ignorance. Some fear the present, some the future. Some carry the burden of sin and would give almost anything to unshackle themselves from those burdens but fear to change their lives. Let us recognize that fear comes not of God, but rather that this gnawing, destructive element comes from the adversary of truth and righteousness. Fear is the antithesis of faith. It is corrosive in its effects, even deadly.  ‘For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.’ We have nothing to fear when we walk by the light of eternal truth.  How great and magnificent is the power of love to overcome fear and doubt, worry and discouragement.” 

The fear that we feel does not come from the Lord, but rather from Satan.  Satan wants us to feel discouraged, to feel unworthy, and to feel like we cannot go to the Lord for help. This is because he knows that, the closer we are to the Lord, the greater chance we have of returning to live with Him in the next life.  The Adversary does not want us to be happy, and he does not want us to have the Lord’s spirit in our lives.  He wants to make us as miserable as he is.  Elder Russell H. Bishop, in a talk entitled “Turning Fear into Faith”, states, “Each time you feel hesitancy in yourself, each time you recognize fear, you have recognized the presence of evil.  In the instant that you recognize fear, turn from it by turning to the Lord in prayer. This doesn’t mean that you’re ignoring the fear; it means that you’re treating it exactly as fear should be treated—by turning it over to the Lord, who has the power to change our feelings and to give us his Holy Spirit.”  Every time those fears and doubts arise in our minds, we should go to the Lord; more so than when we don’t have those thoughts.  The more those thoughts and feelings come into our minds and we dwell on them, the more detrimental.  Fear does not allow faith to grow and mature.  “Faith and fear cannot coexist.”  If we truly want to have faith in the Lord, we need to let go of those fears that are holding us back from seeking His help in our lives.  We need to make the conscious choice to go to the Lord at all times, and lean on Him when we need help.  “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)  The Lord wants to help us.  One of His main concerns is helping us in this life to make our way back to Him.  If we can remember that in our everyday lives, and go to Him, nothing will hold us back from the blessings He has promised us.

Elder Richard C. Edgley stated, “Choose faith over doubt, choose faith over fear, choose faith over the unknown and the unseen, and choose faith over pessimism.”  So that is what I will do.  I will choose to have faith in the Lord and remember that all He does is for my benefit.  He is not the one that wants me lost in this life, or the one who wants me to think that I need to go through all things alone.  I cannot allow my natural human nature to take over what my spirit is trying to tell me. 

Yes, I may struggle with this for the reminder of my life, but the fact of the matter is that I am choosing to fix it now.  I am choosing to make a change in my life, and allow my trust and my life to be in the hands of my Heavenly Father.  He knows more than I do what I need, and I just need to know that He will direct me to things that are for my good, whether I see that or not.  “…inasmuch as you strip yourselves from jealousies and fears, and humble yourselves before me… you shall see me and know that I am—not with the carnal neither natural mind, but with the spiritual.” (D&C 67:10)  I am choosing faith over fear, and will attempt to get rid of the fears that plague my life.  In so doing, I hope to gain a better relationship with God and Jesus Christ, and gain a stronger testimony and understanding of the plan that they have for me.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

I love how random my siblings and I are to one another.

Syd- Symone, I think I have an overactive kidney
Me- An overactive kidney?  Explain that one to me.
Syd- Your kidney controls when you pee and poo and what not, its in charge of the waste in your body and I ALWAYS have to pee!
Me- HAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh sydney, I love you.  I think you may just have a small bladder, I have that problem.
Syd- Ok hahahaha see I am learning in school!
Me- Hahaha I see that, good for you ;)
Syd- Hahahahaha I told my science teacher one day that my kidney had done  its job, and then held my planner out for him to sign
Me- HAHAHAHAHA did you really?  Oh that is awesome.
Syd- Yeah Hahahaha
Me- I want to use that one day.  Too bad I never have to get my teacher to sign anything.
Syd- That's upsetting!

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

"Balance, my darling, is not letting anybody love you less than you love yourself."
To wish you were someone else is to waste the person you are.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Through The Eyes of a Friend

For one of my classes my senior year in high school, we were asked to write a paper about ourselves from the eyes of another person.  I chose my best friend, and these are the things that I wrote.

Symone Stout is my best friend.  I have known her for many years, so if anyone knows anything about her, it is me.  Most of the time, she is a happy-go-lucky girl, but then there are times when she isn’t so happy.  A majority of the time, Symone is full of joy.  She always seems to have a smile on her face, and can brighten up my day when I need it most.  She is a caring person who likes to have fun.  She is one of the most amazing people I know, a one-of-a-kind girl.  She is very outgoing, and is herself around anyone.  Even if she is acting a bit crazy, it doesn’t matter.  She is comfortable with who she is, and isn’t afraid to show it.  She is very easy to get along with.  She has a huge heart, and cares about everyone.  She is determined in almost everything she does, she is persistent with whatever is placed in front of her, and she is smart.  She is a very upbeat person, and she tries to find the positive in any situation.  She is enthusiastic about life, and loves to do lots of things.  Whatever will help her be happy, she does.  Symone is also very respectful towards those that respect her as well.  She acts mature at times, and immature at other times.  It depends on the situation.   Then there are the times when she gets stressed.  When Symone gets stressed, you better watch out.  She gets really crabby.  She starts to get mad at little things.    When she gets into arguments, it always seems like it needs to be her way and nothing else.  After she is done being stressed, she realizes that how mad she was getting and what she argued about were things that she didn’t really need to act that extreme over, and then she goes on an “apology run”, where she apologizes to everyone she did wrong to.  She is stubborn in everything, whether it be her opinion, her beliefs, everything.  Nothing can pull her away from what she believes is right.  She, along with everything else about her, has some weaknesses.  One of the big weaknesses that she has is that she tries to please everyone.  When she makes someone upset, it throws her whole day off.  When she does something that makes another person angry at her or really sad at her decision, she starts to stress out and she, in turn, gets upset.  She knows that she can’t always please every single person in whatever group she is in, but she still tries, no matter how many times she fails.  Symone is really big on family.  She loves every member of her family, whether they treat her wrong or not.  She tries to show love and compassion at all times.  Of course, they are all brothers and sisters, so I don’t think that they get along at all times, but she tries to make things okay every day.  She is the oldest, so she has a lot of responsibility.  Instead of looking at it in a bad way, she looks at is as a positive experience, helping her get prepared for when she is out on her own.

I don't know how much of this is true anymore...  Probably a good chunk, probably not so much.  But I think I am going to do this again sometime soon, just to see how I would view myself if I was looking at me from another person's eyes.

Thursday, November 25, 2010


On this Thanksgiving Day, I have a lot to be thankful for.  So, here it goes.

I am thankful for...

- A family who loves me, no matter what.
- Friends who are there for me, through thick and thin.
- Roommates who love me for me.
- Faith and my religion, which keeps me grounded.
- A warm home/apartment to sleep in at night.
- Running water to use for drinking and getting clean.
- Food to eat and gain strength for the day.
- Forgiveness for the things that I have done in the past.
- Eternal love, which never ends.
- A Savior who sacrificed His life for mine and everyone who lives on this Earth.
- My school, where I am growing both in a spiritual and secular way.
- Everything I have ever been blessed with in my life.
- And you.

Don't forget to be thankful for things.  It helps you see the good in the world.  And, let people know that you are thankful for them.  You never know when it will be the last time for you to do that.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

W. W. Phelps

This is another project for my Doctrine and Covenants class.  I researched a man named W. W. Phelps to find out more information about him.  Here is what I got.

William Wines Phelps (aka W. W. Phelps) was born on February 17, 1792 in Hanover, Morris County, New Jersey.  He worked as an editor at the Western Courier Newspaper, and he was also nominated for the office of lieutenant governor of New York.  He didn’t get the nomination, but he did get valuable experience.  On March 26, 1830, Phelps read that the Book of Mormon was about to come off the press.  He met Parley P. Pratt, who sold him a copy of the book.  After reading it, Phelps went to Kirtland, Ohio and met Joseph Smith.  After W. W. Phelps inquired what the Lord wanted him to do, he was told to be baptized and take his family to Missouri.  So, he did.  Phelps brought a lot of great talent to the Church.  He set up the first printing press, he published the first Church newspaper, he helped select, prepare, and publish many revelations in the Book of Commandments, and he wrote many hymns.  One of which is “The Spirit of God”, which is my favorite hymn. 

In Doctrine and Covenants 55:4, it states, “And again, you shall be ordained to assist my servant Oliver Cowdery to do the work of printing, and of selecting and writing books for schools in this church, that little children also may receive instruction before me as is pleasing unto me.”  W. W. Phelps said this about his calling.  “As a people we are fast approaching a desired end, which may literally be called a beginning. Thus far, we cannot be reproached with being backward in instruction. By revelation, in 1831, I was appointed to ‘do the work of printing, and of selecting and writing books for schools in this church, that little children might receive instruction;’ and since then I have received a further sanction. We are preparing to go out from among the people, where we can serve God in righteousness; and the first thing is, to teach our children; for they are as the Israel of old. It is our children who will take the kingdom and bear it off to all the world. The first commandment with promise to Israel was, ‘Honor thy father and thy mother, that thy days may be long in the land, which the Lord thy God giveth thee.’ We will instruct our children in the paths of righteousness; and we want that instruction compiled in a book.” ( Times and Seasons, 1 Nov. 1845, p. 1015.)  This shows to me that he was very persistent and intuitive when it came to his church callings; that he really wanted to help make a difference.

As members of this church today, we need to be better.  We need to want to make a difference in the lives of others, and help them get better within their own callings and their lives.  We need to find a way to help the church become a bigger part in the lives of others, and we need to show our appreciation for it.  W. W. Phelps followed the Lord’s direction, and that led to happiness in his life.  If we do the same, we will also receive happiness in our lives.

(Information found in Doctrine and Covenants Student Manual and the Doctrine and Covenants)

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

What do YOU say to Taking Chances?

And maybe this is going too fast.

And maybe it's not meant to last,

But what do you say to taking chances,

What do you say to jumping off the edge?

Never knowing if there's solid ground below

Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,

What do you say?

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Don't drink a whole bottle of Martinelli's by yourself.

At least, not in less than half an hour.  Seriously, it will make you feel super sick.

Trust me.

Never forget you are a Child of God.

"Don't waste your time feeling sorry for yourself. Don't belittle yourself. Never forget that you are a child of God. You have a divine birthright. Something of the very nature of God is within you. The Psalmist sang, 'I have said, Ye are gods; and all of you are children of the most High.' (Psalm 82:6.)"
 -Gordon B. Hinckley

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Word Vomit?

Back in December 2008, I wrote a blog all about me at the time.  It's amazing to see what has stayed the same, and what has changed.

Readers, my life has changed a lot more than I ever thought possible.  I saw some of the things coming, but most of what has happened during the last year of my life I never could have imagined happening to me or anyone else, for that matter.  That makes some days hard.

But, with each passing day, I am getting better.  Stronger.  I realize now that everything truly does happen for a reason.  Some happen for you to learn from.  Some, to help get you out of bad situations.  Some, just to bring happiness and strength to you.

To be completely honest, I never knew if I would get to where I am right now.  I just... didn't know how to be my best self.  I didn't know how to change the things in my life I knew I needed to in order to truly get better.  But it's amazing how much power and happiness can come from not trying to get through things by yourself.  In order to get through the trials I was facing, I needed to lean on many people, the main person being my Heavenly Father.  With all their help, I was able to get past things, and begin the process of being... Me.  Not the me everyone wanted to be, but the me I knew was waiting to come out.

To get to this point, one thing I needed to do was just let go.  Let go of my pain, let go of the bad, let go of those holding me back.  Another thing was to move on.  I can't help everyone, no matter how much I think I can.  I can only do my best, and then move on if nothing changes.  Another thing was to work on getting better.  To be a better person.  It's hard to not sit around and mope about the past, but I have learned that, if I want to be better, I need to just learn from the past and look to the future.

There are many more things that I have had to do in order to make myself better, but I won't go into detail about everything.

Today was a pretty rocky day.  I spent a good chunk of time looking at old pictures, reading old blogs, and just thinking about how so much can change in such a short amount of time.  It really is amazing to me how someone can be in one path of life and then completely change their path, some for the better, some for the worse.  I, hopefully, am on a path for the better.  I would like to believe that I am, but you never know.  I do know, though, that what has happened in my past will NEVER happen again.  I won't allow it.  I will not be lead to believe impossible truths.  I will not be forced to do what I don't want to.  And I will not allow myself to feel guilty for doing things that I enjoy doing.

Everything that I do from here on out will be for me.  Not because someone wants me to, not because I think others want me to do it, but because I really feel like doing it.

I am not gonna lie, it's been kinda hard to not be scared about things.  Feelings, events, everything.  I just don't know how to deal with various things, and not allowing them to make me... stress.  Don't get me wrong, I like feeling this way.  I like being happy.  I am just afraid that it is all going to blow up in my face, I suppose. That's what has happened in the past to me one too many times, so it is hard to not think that it will happen this time.  I sure hope it doesn't, because that would really suck.

Through it all, though, there are still a lot of things that I love and am thankful for.  It's hard to be pessimistic in a world where I keep finding things to love and cherish.  Most days, I am an optimist.  Don't get me wrong, there are days where I just want to hide under a rock and never come out, but most of the time I can see the beauty in things around me.  Can you?  I know, it's hard, but if you look hard enough, you can find something to love and be thankful for.

I love my family.  I love my roommates.  I love my friends.  I love my religion.  I love the truths that it has taught me.  I love the help that I am able to give and receive.  I am thankful for people who are willing to listen when I really just need to talk.  I am thankful for a place like Rexburg, Idaho, where I can feel safe at any time of the day.  I am thankful for my Savior, and the sacrifice He made so that I can have a happy, spirit-filled life while here on Earth and after I die.  It's amazing to me that someone wanted to sacrifice His life for the love He felt for me, for my roommates, for my family, for anyone who has lived, is living, and will live on this Earth.  What a wonderful gift.

No matter what, my life is beautiful.  It truly is.  There is no way that I can deny that fact, especially with the progress that I have made so far in my life.  I have a family who loves and supports me.  I have friends who love and support me as well.  I have faith in my church, and it brings me comfort.  And I know that, even through the darkest times of my life, these things will always be there.  No matter what, these will be constant things in my life.

This is a lot of word vomit, I know.  There have just been a lot of things on my mind, and I have finally found a way to get most of the things out.  I sure hope you don't mind this blog.  There was just a lot that needed to come out.

I still have a lot more, but that will have to wait until another day. :)


Thursday, November 11, 2010

I love my sister.

"I am going to go eat Symone, I will talk to you later. Oh my gosh that makes it seem like i am coming to eat you.... rawr." -Sydney

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

My name is Symone, and I am stuck in this in-between.  Ugh.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

My mind is like a... Tornado? Hurricane? Mess?

Ever have those times where you just have so many different things on your mind at one time, and don't know exactly how to express what is there?  And no matter how many times you try to clear your mind, it just never works?  Well, if you have, then you will understand what is going on with me right now.

I just have a lot of things rolling around in my mind, ranging from important to random to just plain dumb.  I am having a lot of difficulty expressing my thoughts, hence the reason why they are still in my mind.

One day, I may just write a long, super random letter that lists every single thing on my mind.  Maybe not.  I just need to find some way to get my brain to shut up at night!

Alright, I am done with my rant.  Blah, time to be a good student and work on my homework.


Thursday, November 4, 2010

Everything will fall into place.

"God knows better than you what you need. He always attempts to speak to you. Listen, and follow the uncomfortable suggestions that He makes to us--everything will fall into its place."

Last semester (April-July 2010), I had a strong feeling to do something that I knew would make me feel uncomfortable.  A feeling to tell someone something that had been on my mind for a while.  A feeling to get rid of  some of the bad feelings that had begun to take over my life.  I knew I would be uncomfortable, but I knew that being uncomfortable wouldn't last very long.  Was I going to let the fear of what would happen hold me back from becoming happy again?

I eventually followed that feeling to talk, and now things are better than they have been in an extremely long time.

I am getting that feeling again.  To do something that will make me uncomfortable.  But, I know that God knows what He is doing.  I'll just have to wait and see what happens.

My life...

 I have some pretty amazing people in my life right now.

Thanks for sticking around.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Phone = Off

I just need time to think.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Today was not the best day...

So I cleaned.  And I may clean some more.  Why?  Don't know, I just feel like cleaning.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Sunday, October 17, 2010

"The best thing in life is to find someone who knows all your strength and weaknesses but still thinks your completely amazing."                                                                         

Dear Old Friend,

As I sit here thinking about the things I learned at church today, something hit me.  During the last four years of my life, most of my time and attention was spent on you.  Instead of showing you the appropriate way to act towards a girl, I allowed you to believe that a girl should be pushed around, made to follow what you say, and scared to do anything you wouldn't approve of.  Shame on me.  I am sorry for not showing you that how you treated me was wrong.  That I, as a girl, as a daughter of God, should not be forced to do anything I don't want to do.  That I don't have to listen when you get angry and cause me to tremble in fear because you MIGHT do something.  That I don't have to answer your texts as soon as I get them.  That I don't have to talk to you if I am mad at you.  What you did wasn't that nice or appropriate, but I shouldn't have allowed it to happen.  For that, I am sorry.  I am sorry that I placed in your mind expectations of how girls should act.  How you treated me should not be how you treat other girls.  Please don't do this to any other girls.

Now that I am out of it, though, realize that you no longer have any power.  I know how I want to be treated, I know that I will not allow another boy to do what you did to me.  I am really starting to mend the broken pieces, and because of that, I know that I can move on happily, without looking back.

I know what I want in life, because you showed me the opposite.  For that, I say thank you.  Without getting out of whatever we had, I wouldn't have seen that it was wrong.  That a girl shouldn't be treated like that.  My name is Symone Misao Stout, and I deserve better.  Sure, that may be a selfish thing to say, but it is true.

I don't hate you, and I am not mad about what you did.  I have forgiven you for all that.  I just wanted to say that I hope you know that what you did wasn't right, and you have to make sure you don't do that to someone else.


Symone Stout

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

I'm not angry

I swear, I'm not. I may appear to be rather angry at times, but I am not. If anything, I am in a complete state of confusion. And, I don't know what to do in order to get out of it. Ugh.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

May You Have...

Enough happiness to keep you sweet,

Enough trials to keep you strong, 

Enough sorrow to keep you human,

Enough hope to keep you happy; 

Enough failure to keep you humble,

Enough success to keep you eager, 

Enough friends to give you comfort,

Enough wealth to meet your needs; 

Enough enthusiasm to look forward,

Enough faith to banish depression, 

Enough determination to make each day better than yesterday.

Monday, October 11, 2010

The last few weeks from my eyes.

"We were on such a spiritual high from conference..."
"Curse you, Satan!!!  He would do that!  Oh, I'm pissed!"

This was a conversation I had with one of my roommates today.  September 26 through October 3 was one of the best weeks I have ever had.  I was happy, I felt alive, and I felt like nothing could bring me down.  Then came October 4-10.  Ugh, this was not a good week, not only for me but for my roommates, as well.  There were fights, broken hearts, confusion, bad feelings, and not truly knowing what to expect.  There was no way to explain why things were that way, and there was no way to know what to do to make it better.

Today, as I was talking to my roommate and trying to figure out how things had gone so bad, it was because of that.  There may be many of you that don't believe in the Devil, or God, for that matter, but I do.  And, at least to me, it makes sense that Satan wanted to make things more difficult for my roommates and I right after we had received such a spiritual experience over the weekend. 

We need trials, and we need to know that things will be bad at times throughout our lives.  It is an inevitable part of living on this Earth.  It's how we REACT to those trials that will make our lives good or not.  Personally, I am grateful for those trials that I have gone through, this last week, these last four years, heck, my whole life.  Without going through them, I wouldn't be who I am today.  I wouldn't have met the people I have, I wouldn't be feeling as I am, and I wouldn't be able to help others through the trials that they, themselves, are going through.  

Because of the things I have gone through this week, I see that there are many things that I need to change in my life in order to truly be the person God wants me to be.  Patience, opening up, and controlling my feelings are among the list.  I realized today that I can't live in fear of letting people know about my past, and the things that have happened.  They happened, and nothing can be done to fix it.  I can't let it hold me back, and I hope that if you are reading this and have the feeling that something is holding you back, don't let it.  Wallowing in self pity will truly get you nowhere.  You have to let the past be the past, and move on.  

"This life is not always easy, nor was it meant to be; it is a time of testing and proving."  -Quentin L. Cook

There will be times when doubt creeps in, or when you feel alone and there is no one left to talk to.  I know that has happened to me, and will most likely happen again.  The thing I have come to recognize and learn is that, through it all, no one is ever truly alone.  Jesus Christ is there, and will always be there.  He has gone through everything and knows exactly how we feel.  If there is anyone out there to go to, it is Him.

I know this is a random post, but this has been on my mind a lot since last night.  There are obviously a lot of things I need to work on in my life, and I know that trials will always come my way, but because I know and believe that Christ is there to help me, I will not be so discouraged.  No matter what decisions are made, no matter what choices I follow, I know that there will be someone there who will love me and want me to be the best that I can be.  How can I feel so bad with that knowledge in my mind?

Whenever you feel alone, or need a friend, remember that Christ is there.  And, if you just need someone to talk to, complain to, yell at, or just cry to, I am here as well.  This goes for anyone who reads this.


Thursday, October 7, 2010

Little Things

It's the little things you do that make all the difference.

Thanks for doing those little things. :)


Friday, October 1, 2010

I am happy

There really isn't much more to say.

I am happy, and I love being happy.


Monday, September 27, 2010

MTV Campus Takeover, staring Thirty Seconds to Mars

I had the opportunity to go to Utah Valley University and see my favorite band of all time live in concert.  Chelsie, Malcolm, and I were about three rows back, if that, from the stage.  We were so close, we could SEE how blue Jared Leto's eyes really are.

It was, without a doubt, one of the best concerts I have ever been to!  It was a wonderful weekend, from start to finish.


Thursday, September 23, 2010

Joseph Smith

I have been a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints since I was born.  Ever since I was a young girl, starting in nursery, I learned about Joseph Smith.  I learned about who he was, and why he was so important.  But, I never took the chance to research about him myself.  So, I chose to do that for my class, just to re-learn things, find out new information if possible, and increase my testimony in him.

Joseph Smith was born on December 23, 1805 in Sharon, Vermont.  He was the son of Lucy Mack Smith and Joseph Smith, Sen.  He had eight brothers and siblings.  Their names were Alvin, Hyrum, Samuel Harrison, William, Don Carlos, Sophronia, Catherine, and Lucy.  During his childhood, he lived in Sharon, Vermont, Palmyra, New York, and Manchester, New York.  At the age of six or seven, while living in Sharon, VT, Joseph and his siblings got typhus fever.  While all his siblings that got the sickness healed, Joseph had a sore on his leg.  The doctors operated on his leg, all while he was being held by his father.  The doctors had offered him some brandy to drink in order to help dull the pain, but he didn’t take any.  Although he was lame for a little while afterwards, he was healed.  He was a hard worker, even at a young age.

At the age of fifteen, Joseph was being bombarded by many different religious sects.  His mother was part of one, his father another, and he didn’t have any clue as to which religion to join.  While studying the scriptures late one evening, he came across James 1:5, which reads, “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.”  After reading this, he decided to pray unto Heavenly Father to see which church to join.  He went to a grove of trees, now known as the Sacred Grove, and prayed.  While praying, he was overcome by an evil spirit, but he continued to pray.  After some time, he had a vision, where he was visited by God the Father and Jesus Christ.  They were separate beings.  During this vision, he was told to join none of the sects, because they didn’t have the whole truth.  Because of this vision, known as the Frist Vision, Joseph was able to prepare himself to bring the Lord’s church back onto the earth.

Joseph Smith became the first prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ in these latter days.  He translated the Book of Mormon, was baptized, and got the keys of the priesthood in order to restore the true church to the Earth, and to bless the lives of those who would listen.

While doing my project, I knew I wanted to find out about Joseph, his life as a child, and how his faith led to the restoration of the church that I am now a part of.  By doing this research, my testimony of him has grown.  I know, without a doubt, that his story really happened.  I know that, without praying, Joseph wouldn’t have brought the church about.  I am thankful for all the things Joseph did, and for being the man God knew him to be.  Since I know these things, I want to share them with others I know.  Yes, they may not understand and believe, but at least they will be able to know a little more about Joseph Smith from me.

If you have any questions, or just want to know more about him, just ask in the comments on the bottom.  I promise I will get back to you. J

The information I got on Joseph Smith was from Joseph Smith History in the Pearl of Great Price, and the talk “The Prophet Joseph Smith: Teacher by Example” by President Thomas S. Monson in the November 2005 Liahona.  Both of these can be found using the search tool on Image found at

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

You know what?

I don't feel guilty.  I am the happiest I have been in a long time.

I love this.

Just thought I would let you guys know :)


Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Don't give up, because YOU ARE LOVED!

Things have been kinda difficult this last weekend into this week.  Lots of thoughts, memories, and emotions piling up on one another, making it hard to concentrate or do what I am supposed to do.  Some days, I don't feel like doing much of anything, except lie down.  My homework routine has been lost, and I am trying to get it back, but it isn't working.  Yes, I am having a blast and doing wonderful things here with my roommates, and trying to make new friends, but something just feels off.

On the days where I just want to call it quits, I remember the line from Josh Groban's song.  "Don't give up, because you are loved."  There will be days where I, and you, might not feel all that loved.  You might feel alone, unwanted, under-appreciated, things like that.  But, don't forget, you are loved.  Family, friends, random people that you don't really know, they are all here to love you and support you through the tough times.  And if you don't think that they really are there for you, there is a Father in Heaven that will always love you, no matter what, and He is there for you when you don't feel like there is anyone.  He knows and understands what you are going through, and always has a way to help.  This is something that I am slowly but surely starting to understand.

Don't give up.  I know things are hard right now, but they will get better.  God has a plan for all of us, and we just need to trust in His power to make everything work out in the end.

And don't forget, you really are loved.


Saturday, September 18, 2010

Wanna know one of the things I find beautiful?

Having friendships you never knew you needed.  Finding those people who won't judge you, and will love you no matter what has happened in your life.  I never thought I would find friends like that, and I am living with four of them.  Honestly, I have no idea where I would be without the friends I have made, not only in the last two years, but throughout my entire life.  They lift me up and know what to say to make sure that I remember that I am not alone in life.  They, along with my family, have always been my rock, and they really know what to do in order to make me feel better.

Thanks.  I can't tell you enough how much you all mean to me.  I love you all.


Friday, September 17, 2010

Random Thoughts

I am sitting here, watching Glee with my amazing roommates, and I can't seem to make my mind clear.  There is so much going on in my mind, and I wish there wasn't so many things to think about.

While sitting here, I realized something.  I have made mistakes.  Some mistakes have been so much bigger than the others, and I chose to make them.  But, as bad as they may have been, I can't be mad about making them.  No matter what, I am a better person because of them.  I realized that I needed to drift away to find what is the most important in my life.

I realize, now, that I don't want to be just another girl.  I don't want to settle in life.  I want my life to be better, full.  I want to be with my family FOREVER, even after death.  I want to find someone who will truly love me for me, and not try to change me because I am not their ideal person.  I want to be a stronger member of my faith, and I want to work on getting a better relationship with my Heavenly Father.

Yes, I have made mistakes.  Yes, I have done wrong.  But, all that is behind me now.  I will be a better person.  I will become stronger in my faith, and I will be with my family forever.

Right now, I just need to work on it.  All will be okay in the end.

On a lighter note, my classes seem to be going well.  I have been attempting to find a job, and have applied online to some places, but there has been no success.  I need to work a little more on getting a job.  It's difficult living in a college town, though.  Especially since I have no car.  But I am sure that, if I am meant to get a job, I will.

I miss my family, a lot.  But I can't wait until next weekend.  I get to see my younger brother, who is at UVU.  I also get to see my grandparents, and possibly some aunts and uncles.  I seriously can't wait.  It should be a great weekend.  Don't get me wrong, I am so happy to be here in Rexburg with my roommates, I just wish my family lived a little closer.

Things will get better.  I just have to remember that.