Oh, Christmas

Christmas is one of my all-time favorite holidays.  Not only is it a chance to remember the Savior on a more general basis, but it is also a time for family.  My family traditions are great to me.  I hope to continue some of them with my future family.

My traditions go like this...

A few days before Christmas Eve, we pick names of the family to do Secret Santa to.  Then, we go to Wal-Mart and buy the gifts, with a $10 limit.

Later that night, we go caroling to family friends with a plate of cookies and other goodies.

Then, we come home and put on our new pj's, then give our Secret Santa gifts to whoever we had.  Then, we read the story of Christ's birth from the scriptures, then watch The Nightmare Before Christmas.

The next day, the kids all wake up WAY before our parents, and look through our stockings.  Then, when my parents wake up, we pass one gift to every member of the family, and open them together.  And it goes like that until all the presents under the tree have been opened.

Then, we go to DENNY'S in our pajamas, messy hair, stinky breath, no make-up, deodorant, anything.  It's one of my favorite traditions.  After Denny's, we come home and play with all our new things.  Then, we either have dinner here at home or with my grandparents. 

It really is a great holiday for my family,and I love that it is always the same every year.  Exactly the way I like it. :)

Something's coming.  I can feel it.


...Crap.

My mom's song to me.

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder 

You get your fill to eat 

But always keep that hunger 

May you never take one single breath for granted 

God forbid love ever leave you empty handed 

I hope you still feel small 

When you stand by the ocean 

Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens 

Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance 

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance 

I hope you dance 

I hope you dance 

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance 

Never settle for the path of least resistance 

Living might mean taking chances 

But they're worth taking 

Lovin' might be a mistake 

But it's worth making 

Don't let some hell bent heart 

Leave you bitter 

When you come close to selling out 

Reconsider 

Give the heavens above 

More than just a passing glance 

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance 

I hope you dance 

(Time is a real and constant motion always) 

I hope you dance 

(Rolling us along) 

I hope you dance 

(Tell me who) 

I hope you dance 

(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder) 

(Where those years have gone) 

I hope you still feel small 

When you stand by the ocean 

Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens 

Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance 

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance 

Dance 

I hope you dance 

I hope you dance 

(Time is a real and constant motion always) 

I hope you dance 

(Rolling us along) 

I hope you dance 

(Tell me who) 

(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder) 

I hope you dance 

(Where those years have gone) 

(Tell me who) 

I hope you dance 

(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder) 

(Where those years have gone) 

I love this song.  Every time I hear it, I can't help but feel good.  Things have been tricky over the last little while, with me being the epitome of a girl for the last week and a half.  Stressing, worrying, and not being calm about a lot of different things.  But, I listened to this song and knew that I would be okay.  That I shouldn't worry about things.  That I should just let time run it's course.  

So, that's what I will do.  

My name is Symone, and I worry.

Have you seen the movie "Taken"?  If not, you should watch it.  I absolutely love that movie.

In the movie, there's a line that goes, "You don't have to worry."  "That's like telling water not to be wet, sweetie."

I worry.  I am in a constant state of worry, and I can't help it.  It's been that way for a while.  I just worry that little things I do will cause someone to not want to talk to me anymore, or because I am not being told something that changes are occurring without me knowing, and it worries me.

I have had far too many experiences where people have said one thing, but done another and later told me that everything they said was a lie.  I have also had those people who had problems with me or had things they wanted to tell me, but they never did.  So, as their minds were changing, or things were changing in regards to our relationship, they were keeping me in the dark and not allowing me to know until the day they said, "I am done" and left me behind, wondering what the heck just happened.

That is why I am worrying.  I don't want things to be changing on your end and me not know about it.  I need you to tell me and PROVE to me that things are the same.  That, even though things have been off for the last little bit of time, that things haven't changed and won't change.  I need the reassurance.  I am not saying that you need to tell me at all times of the day, or even every single day.  But, every once in a while, I like to be reminded.  And I need you to let me know that I am not crazy, and that yes, I do have a right to worry, but that I don't need to anymore.

Can you do that?

So... Sleepy...

I will be taking some sleeping pills and putting in earplugs to hopefully get some sleep tonight.  It has not been a good last week and a half.

Simplicity is key.

While sitting here, helping plan my roommate's wedding, I have been getting ideas about what I want for my wedding, and I've realized something...

I like things to be simple.  I want a simple ring, simple dress... Just simple.

Then, I realized that not only do I want a simple wedding, I need simplicity in my life.  I don't want to overanalyze things anymore, I don't want to over think things, I don't want to allow things to bug me when they really shouldn't.

So, I am deciding to make my life simple again.

Simplicity is what I need.

Faith and Fear Cannot Coexist.

“…verily I say unto you there were fears in your hearts, and verily this is the reason that ye did not receive.” (D&C 67:3)  As I read this scripture, I wondered why it was so important to get rid of fear before going to the Lord for guidance.  I brought this question up to a friend, who said that the reason we don’t need fear is because the Lord is going to give us exactly what we need.  Even if it is not what we WANT, it will be what we NEED at that point in life. 

Even though I know that the Lord has helped me before in life, there are times where I am hesitant to go to the Lord for help, because I am either scared to ask for help, scared of the answer He will give me, or because I do not feel like I am worthy to go to the Lord and request His help. 

President Gordon B. Hinckley, in a talk entitled “God Hath Not Given Us the Spirit of Fear”, states, “Who among us can say that he or she has not felt fear? I know of no one who has been entirely spared. Some, of course, experience fear to a greater degree than do others. Some are able to rise above it quickly, but others are trapped and pulled down by it and even driven to defeat. We suffer from the fear of ridicule, the fear of failure, the fear of loneliness, the fear of ignorance. Some fear the present, some the future. Some carry the burden of sin and would give almost anything to unshackle themselves from those burdens but fear to change their lives. Let us recognize that fear comes not of God, but rather that this gnawing, destructive element comes from the adversary of truth and righteousness. Fear is the antithesis of faith. It is corrosive in its effects, even deadly.  ‘For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.’ We have nothing to fear when we walk by the light of eternal truth.  How great and magnificent is the power of love to overcome fear and doubt, worry and discouragement.” 

The fear that we feel does not come from the Lord, but rather from Satan.  Satan wants us to feel discouraged, to feel unworthy, and to feel like we cannot go to the Lord for help. This is because he knows that, the closer we are to the Lord, the greater chance we have of returning to live with Him in the next life.  The Adversary does not want us to be happy, and he does not want us to have the Lord’s spirit in our lives.  He wants to make us as miserable as he is.  Elder Russell H. Bishop, in a talk entitled “Turning Fear into Faith”, states, “Each time you feel hesitancy in yourself, each time you recognize fear, you have recognized the presence of evil.  In the instant that you recognize fear, turn from it by turning to the Lord in prayer. This doesn’t mean that you’re ignoring the fear; it means that you’re treating it exactly as fear should be treated—by turning it over to the Lord, who has the power to change our feelings and to give us his Holy Spirit.”  Every time those fears and doubts arise in our minds, we should go to the Lord; more so than when we don’t have those thoughts.  The more those thoughts and feelings come into our minds and we dwell on them, the more detrimental.  Fear does not allow faith to grow and mature.  “Faith and fear cannot coexist.”  If we truly want to have faith in the Lord, we need to let go of those fears that are holding us back from seeking His help in our lives.  We need to make the conscious choice to go to the Lord at all times, and lean on Him when we need help.  “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)  The Lord wants to help us.  One of His main concerns is helping us in this life to make our way back to Him.  If we can remember that in our everyday lives, and go to Him, nothing will hold us back from the blessings He has promised us.

Elder Richard C. Edgley stated, “Choose faith over doubt, choose faith over fear, choose faith over the unknown and the unseen, and choose faith over pessimism.”  So that is what I will do.  I will choose to have faith in the Lord and remember that all He does is for my benefit.  He is not the one that wants me lost in this life, or the one who wants me to think that I need to go through all things alone.  I cannot allow my natural human nature to take over what my spirit is trying to tell me. 

Yes, I may struggle with this for the reminder of my life, but the fact of the matter is that I am choosing to fix it now.  I am choosing to make a change in my life, and allow my trust and my life to be in the hands of my Heavenly Father.  He knows more than I do what I need, and I just need to know that He will direct me to things that are for my good, whether I see that or not.  “…inasmuch as you strip yourselves from jealousies and fears, and humble yourselves before me… you shall see me and know that I am—not with the carnal neither natural mind, but with the spiritual.” (D&C 67:10)  I am choosing faith over fear, and will attempt to get rid of the fears that plague my life.  In so doing, I hope to gain a better relationship with God and Jesus Christ, and gain a stronger testimony and understanding of the plan that they have for me.

I love how random my siblings and I are to one another.

Syd- Symone, I think I have an overactive kidney

Me- An overactive kidney?  Explain that one to me.

Syd- Your kidney controls when you pee and poo and what not, its in charge of the waste in your body and I ALWAYS have to pee!

Me- HAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh sydney, I love you.  I think you may just have a small bladder, I have that problem.

Syd- Ok hahahaha see I am learning in school!

Me- Hahaha I see that, good for you ;)

Syd- Hahahahaha I told my science teacher one day that my kidney had done  its job, and then held my planner out for him to sign

Me- HAHAHAHAHA did you really?  Oh that is awesome.

Syd- Yeah Hahahaha

Me- I want to use that one day.  Too bad I never have to get my teacher to sign anything.

Syd- That's upsetting!

Time has flown by.

"Balance, my darling, is not letting anybody love you less than you love yourself."

To wish you were someone else is to waste the person you are.