Good Bye 2008, HELLO 2009!!!

So this year has been a very eventful one, if I do say so myself. I graduated high school, had my first semester of college. I made a lot of new friends, and still kept some old ones. I didn't do as well in classes as I would have hoped, and I made a TON of mistakes. But all I can do now is learn from them. I am stoked that the New Year is almost here, just so I can have a new chance at life. Hopefully this year will be better than the last.

Do you love me, or do you not? You told me once, but I forgot.

Alright, I have been thinking a lot today, in case you all couldn't tell. I just seemto have a lot of thoughts bouncing around in my head, and I want to get them out.

For some reason, I don't feel all that loved, and I think I know why. I don't fully love myself. I have been unlucky in the relationship department the last 18 years of my life, and so I don't like opening up. Whenever I open up to anyone, it seems to blow up in my face.

Anyways, lately I have been keeping a lot inside of me to prevent the people around me from getting hurt. My number one weakness is seeing someone get upset by something I did. That is why I stick in things I shouldn't for so long, and attempt to help those who are "unhelpable", if you will. I just can't stand seeing someone get hurt.

So, there are certain things inside my mind that will probably stay there for a while, but I know that I need to say them. Not only is it hurting me to keep them inside, but it is hurting those around me. I know that by keeping "me" hidden, I am not allowing anyone to see me, and they will never know ME! I always say I want to be loved for me, but I always seem to hide the real me from everyone I meet, with a few exceptions. Then I sit at home and feel bad because no one really knows me.

So, here's me. I snort when I laugh, it's what I do. I get jealous for no reason. I don't like to clean, but if you piss me off, the room will be spotless. I like Disney movies soooo much! I sometimes wish my life could be a Disney movie. Give me a camera, and you will make my day. I love taking pictures of nature, I am not all that good with people. I blog a little too much, but that is something I love to do. I try to be as loyal as possible, but if you screw with me, you will be gone. I am a happy person, but I can be a b***h if needed. No one likes to be around me during "that time of the month." My mood swings can be severe sometimes. I love easily, and that makes my heartbreaks even worse. I will love you, no matter what. I don't judge, because I have no room to. Everyone makes mistakes, and I am no different. I have made so many mistakes, but I know that Heavenly Father will forgive me for all of them. Family and Friends are my life. Mess with them, you will have to deal with me. I love my religion. It helps me through everything. Temples are the greatest, followed by BYU-Idaho. The Spirit is so strong there, and I just love the feeling. I don't like showing how I really feel. I will always try to have a smile on my face, no matter what happens. I like to eat... a lot. But at college I don't really eat because I don't feel like it. Sometimes, I don't feel like doing a single thing. It's just how I feel, and you shouldn't change it. I hate it when people try to change my mind. It won't work, so don't try. I used to think that I would be a great person when I got older, but now I am not sure. I don't know anything about the future, but I do know that my past will help me learn for my future. I try to laugh at least once a day. Laughing helps me. I know when to joke and when to be serious. I love to be complimented, it makes me feel like someone out there does care about me. Don't tell me you love me unless you mean it, because I don't say it unless I mean it. I know that some of the decisions I have made were ridiculously dumb, but all I can do is learn from them. I wonder if I will be able to find a good Mormon guy who will love me for me and marry me in the temple. That has always been my dream, and that is the one dream that I will not stray away from. I want to be a mother more than anything else in the world. I can't wait to have children and raise them. I love dolphins and hot weather. My favorite colors are black and pink. I love action movies, and dancing. I sometimes dance in my underwear in my room. I like to sing out loud, no matter if it sounds good or not. Music is something that needs to be in my life, or I am not complete. I still sleep with a stuffed animal, and with the light on. I am deathly afraid of the dark, but I am learning to not be so afraid of it. I suck at taking tests. I just am not good at it. I can't live without my phone. I seriously go through withdrawls if it isn't working right. I really do love life, but sometimes it gets so ugly that I wonder what the point is. I have been suicidal and depressed, but I got over it. I did take medication for it, but then I thought to myself, "You can get over this. You don't need to deal with this." I have been off medication for 4 months and counting. I want to visit Australia and Puerto Rico more than anything else. Sometimes I can be an easy person to read, and sometimes you will wonder how anyone can understand me. I do not like shopping all that much. Unless I know what I am going to buy, I hate it. I like to get dressed up some days, and some days I just want to stay in bed with my sweatpants and a T-shirt. I love Guitar Hero. I am still afraid of growing up. I hear i give good massages. I like to fly, I just don't like take off or landing. Give me a paper crane with wings that move and I will be entertained for the whole day. I am easily amused. I do not like being used at all. Tell me the truth from the get-go, and things will be way better. I like to dye and cut my hair... A LOT!!

Um... I am running out of things to say. I think that covers a lot about me, though. If you read this whole thing, I will be in shock. LoL it is just another thing that I wanted to get off my chest. After writing this, I really do feel a lot better...

Love <3

Five... I stole this from Chels.

5 Random blurbs of my personal philosophy:

1. I believe that love will conquer all, whether it is really bad or really good. Love will always be around.
2. You need to stay little, even when you grow up. Being a little kid will help you get through anything.
3. I believe in the Church with all my heart. I know that what I learn in Church is true, and that everything I learn will help me immensely in my life.
4. The decisions you make will shape who you become, whether you made a good or bad one. They will help you learn and grow each and every day.
5. Life can be beautiful, but only if you want it to be.


5 Questions circulating in my head right now:

1. Will I be ok at BYU-I this next semester?
2. Am I making the right decisions, or am I just messing up again?
3. Does he really care that way, or is he just saying that?
4. When will everything just be GOOD again?
5. Do I rush into things to often, or do I not rush enough?


5 lines that are currently stuck in my head:

1. "That‘s what she said."
2. "Jesus once was a little child, a little child like me..."
3. "I will follow you into the dark.”
4. "All you need is love."
5. "If I could tell the world just one thing it would be that we‘re all okay."


5 things that bother you:

1. When people misspell simple words.
2. When someone drops me without talking to me first.
3. When people yell and fight. I hate it.
4. When no one listens to me, or what I have to say.
5. When my questions never get answered.


5 things that I think about when I'm told to go to my happy place:

1. The Temple
2. The beach
3. Disney World. No joke.
4. The waterfront at sunset
5. Parks


5 things I want people to know about myself

1. I care more about others than myself.
2. I have a hard time expressing my thoughts. I feel bad when I do, like I make a mistake every time.
3. I try my hardest to get by everyday, but it starts to get more and more difficult.
4. I really love summer time. Hotness is my all-time favorite.
5. I want to be loved for who I am, not who you want me to be. If a guy doesn’t like me at my worst, then he shouldn’t get the chance to like me at my best.

The Future...?

Not gonna lie, I am kinda bored this Sunday. 8 days and counting until I am back in the Burg.

Also, for some reason, I have had family on the mind. Like, not my family that I have now, but my future family, and I don't know why. I keep thinking about marriage, kids, how I will raise them, everything! And I am only 18! Goodness me, I know that I don't HAVE to be thinking about this, but for some reason it is all that I can think about.

I keep thinking about what temple I want to get married in, what time of the year, where I am going to have my reception, if I am going to have more than one, how many people to invite, what colors, what cake. WHY?! I have never ever ever planned my own wedding, ever, and now I start for some reason. I wonder why...

And then I think about my family, how many kids I want, where I want to live, how I will raise them. Obviously I will raise them in the gospel, but how will I discipline them? How far apart will they be? I don't know...

My future, of course, is unpredictable, and I can't help but think about it. I hope that things go ok, and that I will be able to have the Lord help me know that I am doing the right things whenever I need to make a decision.

LoL sorry about blabbing on and on about this, but it has been on my mind for a while, so I thought I would get it off my chest.

:)

Christmas...

was good. I got a lot of awesome presents, we did all of the things we do every year, and I had fun.

Today, Mike Ivey got his mission call. I am so excited for him!!! He will be a great missionary.

I have been bored, again... Maybe my parents will let me drive now, since most of the snow is gone.......... Maybe...

Anyways, I better end this. I will write another one later.

LDS Temples in the USA

These are my favorites!!!! I have seen all but 2 of them in person... Does that make sense? LoL







Portland









St. George

Salt Lake City

Rexburg









San Diego









Washington DC










Sacramento










Seattle







Which one do you like the most??

So I have a new goal.

I am going to try to read the Book of Mormon before Winter Break is over.

Yes, all of it.

I am on 1 Nephi 14 right now, and I started my reading last night. I am reading it aloud to myself... yeah, that is kinda creepy, I know, but for some reason, reading it out loud is helping me.

So, yeah, just letting everyone know my new goal!! :D

Ok, so I am in a talkative mood today...

Alright, so a couple days ago I was talking to a friend of mine. We were talking about liking boys and what-not, and the topic came up where sometimes you feel like you have too much baggage to like anyone, because you are afraid that your past will affect how they feel, or how things will be. Sometimes, you feel like your past will not allow you to be loved by anyone, and in so thinking, you feel like you will never find the one. Alrighty, well, I know that I have felt this from time to time, but I have also thought of something else. When you get married to the one you love, you believe that it is true love, love that will love no matter what happens, past, present or future. SOOO, if you are marrying someone for love, don't you think that your "baggage" isn't enough for them to handle? I mean, when you really truly love someone, you don't judge passed on what mistakes they have made in the past, or the decisions that they will make in the future. If they make you upset, then you really don't love them.

I don't know, maybe I am thinking about this too much. I just think that loving someone means loving all of them, not just the things that you want. You shouldn't try to fix them into who you want, or make them feel sorry or bad for the things that they have done. Love them for them, for the good and the bad. For the ugly days, for the gorgeous days, for the days when you can't live with them or without them.

Love will overcome anything. That is what I believe.

Alright, Alright.

I'll write something about being home.

I haven't done that yet, I have just written random things on here LoL

ALRIGHTY. Well, I am home, have been home for a week. Which means that I have only 15 days until I am back in the Burg... not that I am counting...

I am happy to be home, for the most part. I have been able to hang out with my family, and I have seen few friends, but it has snowed here. SNOW IN WASHINGTON!! It really hardly ever snows this much ever here. Ok, that last sentence didn't make much sense... Let's see if I can fix it. Here in Washington, we hardly get much snow. This year, we have a lot of snow. That's better. Alright, so since it has snowed here, my parents have been too afraid to let me drive around, since there is a lot of ice on the ground. So I have been kinda under house arrest... Kinda... But that's ok. So, there is snow, and that means that I have been kinda bored. But that's ok.

Christmas is in 4 days YAY :). I already know what I am getting... but so does everyone else. EXCEPT Ian. Ian still believes in Santa... and Malcolm wants to ruin that for him... Jerk.

Anyways, I will write more later, take pics, all that jazz.

:)

Crush- David Archuleta

Pretty sure that's one of my favorite songs right now!

Can't get enough of it. :)

I hung up the phone tonight, Something happened for the first time, Deep inside it was a rush, what a rush, Cause the possibility that You would ever feel the same away about me, It’s just too much, just too much. Why do I keep running from the truth, All I ever think about is you. You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized, And I just got to know

Do you ever think, when you’re all alone, All that we can be, where this thing can go, Am I crazy or falling in love, Is it real or just another crush. Do you catch a breath, when I look at you, Are you holding back, like the way I do, Cause I’m tryin’, tryin’ to walk away, But I know this crush aint’ goin’ away, goin’ away

Has it ever cross your mind when we’re hangin’, Spending time girl, Are we just friends, is there more, is there more, See it’s a chance we’ve gotta take, Cause I believe that we can make this into Something that will last, Last forever, forever

Do you ever think, when you’re all alone, all that we can be, where this thing can go, Am I crazy or falling in love, Is it real or just another crush Do you catch a breath, when I look at you, Are you holding back, like the way I do, Cause I’m tryin’, tryin’ to walk away But I know this crush aint’ goin’ away, goin’ away

Why do I keep running from the truth, All I ever think about is you You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized, And I just got to know

Do you ever think, when you’re all alone, all that we can be, where this thing can go, Am I crazy or falling in love, Is it real or just another crush Do you catch a breath, when I look at you, Are you holding back, like the way I do, Cause I’m tryin’, tryin’ to walk away But I know this crush aint’ goin’ away, goin’ away

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yff9nCctMkg

So, I miss my Idaho family...

Like a lot.

Live Worthy for the Girl you will Marry

"The girl you marry will take a terrible chance on you. She will give her all to the young man she marries. He will largely determine the remainder of her life. She will even surrender her name to his name. There is another serious thing to which many young men become addicted. This is anger. With the least provocation they explode into tantrums of uncontrolled rage. It is pitiful to see someone so weak. But even worse, they are prone to lose all sense of reason and do things which bring later regret.

If you have a temper, now is the time to learn to control it. The more you do so while you are young, the more easily it will happen. Let no member of this Church ever lose control of himself in such an unnecessary and vicious manner. Let him bring to his marriage words of peace and composure.

I constantly deal with those cases of members of the Church who have been married in the temple and who later divorce and then apply for a cancellation of their temple sealing. When first married, they are full of great expectations, with a wonderful spirit of happiness. But the flower of love fades in an atmosphere of criticism and carping, of mean words and uncontrolled anger. Love flies out the window as contention enters. I repeat, my brethren, if any of you young men have trouble controlling your temper, I plead with you to begin the work of making that correction now. Otherwise you will bring only tears and sorrow into the homes which you will someday establish.

The girl who marries you will wish to be married to someone who loves her, who trusts her, who walks beside her, who is her very best friend and companion. She will wish to be married to someone who encourages her in her Church activity and in community activities which will help her to develop her talents and make a greater contribution to society. She will want to be married to someone who has a sense of service to others, who is disposed to contribute to the Church and to other good causes. She will wish to be married to someone who loves the Lord and seeks to do His will."

BAHAHAHA!!

I would have boys fill this out when I started to like them, and then they would have me fill it out.


Basics:
Name:
Age:
Location:
Height:
Hair (color and style):
Eyes:
Piercings/tattoos:

OTHER:
1. Where would you want to go on dates?
2. Who are three of your favorite bands/artists?
3. Do you drink/smoke?
4. Do you like the beach?
5. If so...would you go with me to the beach?
6. Do you like movies?
7. If so would you stay up and watch them with me at night?
8. If I were to take you out to a movie, would we watch the movie?
9. If not what would we be doing?
10. Do you play an instrument?
11. If so...what?
12. Would you call me right after we saw each other?
13. How would you rate my hugs from 1-10?
14. Favorite body part on a girl/guy?
15. What would you say is the best thing about yourself?
16. Do you have any reps (ex: heartbreaker, player, slut)?
17. Would you kiss just because?

What Would You Do If...
I cried:
I said I liked you:
I kissed you:
I touched your butt:
I was hospitalized:
I ran away from home:
I got in a fight and you were there:
I got dumped:
I pissed you off:

What Do You Think Of My...
Personality:
Eyes:
Face:
Hair:
Clothes:
Voice:
Humor:
Choice of music:
Manners:
Friends:
Decisions:

Would You...
Be my friend:
Tell me the truth no matter what:
Buy me a birthday gift:
Spread rumors about me:
Hold my hand:
Keep in touch:
Make me a snack:
Love me:
Make-out with me:
Ditch me:
Use me:
Ask me out:
Date me:

Put checks next to the ones you would do.
WOULD YOU…
[] go out with me?
[] give me your number?
[] kiss me?
[] let me kiss you?
[] watch a movie with me?
[] be my boyfriend?
[] hug me?
[] take me home to meet your parents?
[] sing car karaoke w/ me?
[] sit in the doctor’s office with me because I didn't want to go alone?
[] return this for me to answer your questions?

D0 Y0U…
[] think I’m cute?
[] want to kiss me?
[] want to cuddle with me?
[] want to hook up with me?

ARE WE...
[] acquaintances?
[] friends?
[] in a relationship?

AM I...
[] smart?
[] cute?
[] funny?
[] cool?
[] interesting to talk to?

HAVE Y0U EVER...
[] thought about me?
[] thought there might be an "us"?
[] thought about hookin’ up with me?
[] found yourself wanting to kiss me?
[] wished I were there?

ARE Y0U...
[] happy you know me?
[] mad at me?
[] thinkin’ bout me?
[] going to return this so that I will return the favor?

I love Junior High School!! :)

Thinking...

I go home in 2 days, and I have mixed feelings about it. I am so excited to see my family and my friends back home, but I will be leaving the little Idaho family that I have here, some of which I will not see for 2 years... SOOOOO hopefully I can get through all this without crying... maybe... we'll see...

I bombed my philosophy class... I know I did. That class was HARD!! And the teacher was never clear on anything!!

I am hoping I do ok in Book of Mormon.

I believe I passed Humanities. I liked Humanities a lot.

I should be packing right now... but I don't want to...

So instead, I am writing on my blog. Fun times. I finished the present that me and Chels will be giving to Mike and Brian. The great thing about it is that they know we will be giving them something, they just don't know what it is :).

Alrighty, I will go pack. I may write some more later!

Bye all!

I think I just had one of the best weekends ever...

And this next weekend, I will have one of the worst.

Alrighty, so, we went to Salt Lake City, UT this weekend to go to the Aquabats concert. OMG, IT WAS AMAZING!!! I will be putting pics on here later, but it was so much fun! The drive was fun. It was Mike driving, Chels in shotgun and me in the back. We had so much fun together, although Brian's sense of direction was... minimal... hahaha just kidding! We got to Temple Square, which I was so excited about, and we stayed in the Kimbal hotel. Kimbal... Kimball... I don't remember how to spell it. Anyways, we got to Utah at 5:30, thinking the concert started at 6 pm. It actually started at 7pm, with three people opening for them. The first band was called Superhero, and they are based in Utah. Then there was DJ Lance Rock from Yo Gabba Gabba, and that made Chelsie UBER happy LoL. Then there was Suburban Legends. Wow, they were so cool. They are based in Cali, and they sang a ska version of Under the Sea. It was AWESOME!!! Then came the Aquabats. They were so funny, it was a lot of fun. We jumped and danced and just had a blast.

Then, the next day, we went to Temple Square. One of my favorite places on this earth. I love Temple Square. We walked around every where that we could. We saw the Christus, the Temple (no dur), some of the lights, the nativity sets, the assembly hall, the tabernacle, and the Conference Center. There wasn't a lot of things to do, and we realized that we had time to spare, so 5 of the 7 of us went to Provo. Sorry for the family I have down there that I didn't get to see. I saw you last week, so I think it is ok. Anyways, so we went to Provo, and Chels, Trish, Vicki and I hung out with Juli, Chelsie's best friend from back home. She took us to her ward's break-the-fast, and we got stuffed. Mike went to visit his sister and brother. Chloe and Brian went to Brian's sort-of grandparents and found out they are kind of related... Weird, I know. Anywho, so then we went back up to SLC, UT, and got back into the cars we came in. Mike did some driving, Chels did some driving. I sat shot gun... the whole time :). Then we got back to the burg.

It was one amazing weekend, so much more happened but my wrists are starting to hurt LoL.

I will write more later!!

My First Semester at BYU-I

Well, the semester is slowly drawing to a close. :( Next Thursday will be my last day (I believe...) and lots of things have happened.

I had all online classes, which, unless you are good at teaching yourself, don't do that. Ever! I started the semester out with 4 classes, Intro to Humanities, Intro to Philosophy, Book of Mormon, and Astronomy. The Astronomy one got really hard, and I didn't think that I could handle it, but I was too afraid to tell my mom. I figured that she would get mad. Well, one day it was just too much for me, so I called my mommy, told her how I felt, and she let me drop it!! The stress level went down so fast, it was amazing. So, now I am finishing off the semester with 3 classes. I don't know how I am doing in my classes, to be honest, but I hope that it is ok.

I met my long lost twin, Chelsie, and I am so glad I did. She is such a blessing in my life, and hopefully she will always be there for me, like I am planning on being there for her.

I started off the semester hanging out with Mark and Jaron. They took me to the dunes, to Yellowstone and Jackson Hole. They were there as I started to improve my swimming skills, Mark would take us on burger runs when we were missing the fast food. As the semester went on, we kinda drifted apart. Not that we aren't friends, but that we don't hang out as much as we used to. One week, we were with each other every single day, the next week we didn't do a thing together. It was really strange to me, and not gonna lie, it worried me BECAUSE I was in all online classes and I couldn't really make friends like everyone else can. I was stuck in my dorm trying to teach myself everything. Now, I hang out with Mike and Brian. They are legit, my brothers out here. Ever since near the end of October, we have been hanging out non-stop. I love those two, they are so cool. They took me and Chels back up to Jackson Hole, they took me up to Idaho Falls, we have played Car Tag, hide-and-seek in Wal-Mart, Halloween party... So many memories from all 4 boys that will not soon be forgotten.

My roommates have been amazing!! Stephanie, Bethany, and Anne were such great roommates. We had our ups and downs, that's for sure, but we never got to the point where one of us had to leave because they were so miserable. We rarely fought, we were always talking, and that showed when we were together.

The girls in Room 108 have been a great group to hang out with. Paisli, Erin, and Kendra were my friends when this whole semester started, and they are still my friends now. Summer, who is from 112, is also a part of this whole thing.

My Home Teachers have also been great. Zach and Grant came and visited us every month, and they never failed to make me laugh. They were great guys, preparing for their missions, and I know that they will be great missionaries. Actually, every guy that I have met who isn't 19 quite yet has had such a spirit about them, and I know that when they are on their missions, they will be amazing.

There have been times when I have just wanted to go home, and other times I just wanted to stay here. All in all, this has been a great semester, and I am extremely sad to see it end. Hopefully the semesters to come will be just as wonderful as this one.

Back in the BURG!!!!!

I am back :) I missed Rexburg... and my small Idaho family. The first night back, me and Chels were up until 2am making retarded videos and posting them up on people's walls... hahahaha it was fun!! Now, I really should be studying, but I can't concentrate!! I have two tests this week, and a big essay I need to write. You were smart, Symone, for not taking your books on vacation >.<. Oh well, I will do my best with what I have. Anyways, I better jet. OH!!! And, on Friday or Saturday, some friends and I will be going down to Salt Lake City to go to a concert. The Aquabats concert. IDK who the Aquabats are, but I am still going to the concert. I will be offering moral support :)