Friday, February 4, 2011

I will be.

While walking home after my group meeting today, I started to feel sad.  I started to think of the things that had been happening in the last month, and I was trying to make sense of it all. 

Why wasn’t I enough?  Why was I the one that was left behind?  Was I not worth it?

That’s when I realized that, to him, I wasn’t worth it.  I wasn’t worth the fight, I wasn’t worth the work, I wasn’t worth it.  Does that hurt?  Of course.  Am I sad?  Yes.  Am I going to allow that to hold me back?  No way.

So I wasn’t worth it to him.  So he didn’t want to work on things with me.  So I lost him. 

Eventually, I will find someone who thinks that I am worth it.  Who will work on keeping me around.  Who will never leave because of some unspoken reason.  Who will work through problems with me and always allow me in.

One day, he will come.  But, for now, I don’t need to worry about that at all.  I don’t need a guy in my life to make me happy.  I can do things for ME now.  Choose to do things that I want.

I want to go to China.  I want to get better in my photography.  I want to be happy with myself FOR myself.  

And you know what? 

I will be.

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