It's a silly game that I am in the middle of.

Sacrifice

Once, there was a little girl who went shopping with her mom.  While shopping, she saw a $0.25 pearl necklace, and she feel in love with it.  The little girl asked her mom if she could get it, and her mom bought it.

Every day, the little girl wore the necklace and told everyone around that it was her favorite necklace in the whole world.

One day, her dad came in to say good night.  He bent down by the bed, looked his little girl in the eyes and said, "Honey, will you give me your necklace?"  The little girl looked into his eyes, and said, "Oh, no daddy.  I can't give my necklace to you, it is my favorite necklace in the whole world!  I don't want to give it to you."  So her dad said, "Okay.  Good night, honey."  He kissed her on the forehead, and then left the room.

The next night, the little girl's father came to say good night again.  He bent down, looked into her eyes, and said, "Honey, will you give me your necklace?"  The little girl looked up at him, and said, "Oh no, daddy, I can't do that!  It's my favorite necklace, I don't want to give it to you."  So her father said, "Okay.  Good night, honey."  He kissed her on the forehead, and then left the room.

The next night, the little girl's father came into the room again.  He saw his little girl sitting at the edge of her bed, with tears streaming down her face.  "Honey, what's wrong?" he asked her.  "You can have it, daddy.  You can have my favorite necklace.  I want you to have it," she said.  He took the little, $0.25 pearl necklace, and handed her a box with a real pearl necklace inside.

Sometimes, you have to sacrifice something GOOD in order to make room for something even BETTER.

"Nobody ever gets to see what could have been."

"You hurt because you're alive."

"Trust your heart if the seas catch fire (and live by love though the stars walk backward)"

Thanks, Charlie St. Cloud, for giving me words of wisdom.

There are some things that I will never understand.

I get that now.  There are some things that I can question over and over and I won't get the answer.

So, what should I do?

GET OVER IT!

These things happened.  They are done.  Finished.  Over.  Nothing I say or think about or hope for will change the fact that they happened.

So, here's what I am going to do.  I am not going to question it anymore.  I am not going to think, "But what if...?"  Because you know what that is doing?  Holding me back.  Not allowing me to progress.

These experiences/events have been placed into my life NOT to hold me back, but to push me forward and make me the best person I can be.

I don't want to live in "what if's."  I want to work on being the greatest version of me I can be.

So, no more questions.  No more wondering.  No more wishing.  They happened.  They are done.  Learn from them.  Find the lesson you were meant to get out of this experience.  Let go.

Move on.

I didn't know how much I cared... until you were gone.

I hurt.

‎"Forgive all who have offended you, not for them, but for yourself."

Lately, I have been thinking about a LOT of different things.  But one of those things that has been pressing on my mind a lot more than the others has been forgiveness.  
When I think about forgiveness, it's usually me asking forgiveness for something that I have said or done that might have offended another person.  Or them asking forgiveness from me for something they have said or done that has hurt my feelings.  


When I think about it in this way, I realize that there are certain people that I have to forgive before I can truly move on.  Before I can truly be able to find someone else.  Before I can be as good as I was before.  There are two people in my life that I know I need to forgive at some point.  Right now, I don't think I can forgive them, because I am still extremely hurt by what they did.  But, I know that I will forgive them at some point in the near future.


There is one aspect of forgiveness that I tend to look over on a general basis, and that is forgiving myself.  There are many things that I have done or have been done to me that I regret or wish didn't happen.  I used to think about them daily, and I was never happy because I couldn't get over the fact that I made mistakes.  I don't think about them that often anymore, but I do have trouble forgiving myself. In order to TRULY just let go, I need to do that.  


Forgiving isn't just about other people.  There are some instances where you may need to forgive yourself.  That is what I am working on.  I hope to be able to find a way to do that soon.


Forgiveness has been on my mind for close to two weeks now.  I know I need to forgive, and I am working on it.  


"I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men." (D&C 64:10)


Once I reach that level of forgiveness, of myself and the others, I know that I will feel better.  I will love myself more so than I do now, and my life will be better than before.  

And I am so excited.

"I know that you're tired of waiting. And you might have to wait a little while more but, he's on his way. And he's getting here as fast as he can."

I will be.

While walking home after my group meeting today, I started to feel sad.  I started to think of the things that had been happening in the last month, and I was trying to make sense of it all. 

Why wasn’t I enough?  Why was I the one that was left behind?  Was I not worth it?

That’s when I realized that, to him, I wasn’t worth it.  I wasn’t worth the fight, I wasn’t worth the work, I wasn’t worth it.  Does that hurt?  Of course.  Am I sad?  Yes.  Am I going to allow that to hold me back?  No way.

So I wasn’t worth it to him.  So he didn’t want to work on things with me.  So I lost him. 

Eventually, I will find someone who thinks that I am worth it.  Who will work on keeping me around.  Who will never leave because of some unspoken reason.  Who will work through problems with me and always allow me in.

One day, he will come.  But, for now, I don’t need to worry about that at all.  I don’t need a guy in my life to make me happy.  I can do things for ME now.  Choose to do things that I want.

I want to go to China.  I want to get better in my photography.  I want to be happy with myself FOR myself.  

And you know what? 

I will be.

Dialects!

Say these words:

Aunt, Route, Wash, Oil, Theater, Iron, Salmon, Caramel, Fire, Water, Sure, Data, Ruin, Crayon, Toilet, New Orleans, Pecan, Both, Again, Probably, Spitting image, Alabama, Lawyer, Coupon, Mayonnaise, Syrup, Pajamas, Caught

Now answer these questions:

What is it called when you throw toilet paper on a house?

What is the bug that when you touch it, it curls into a ball?

What is the bubbly carbonated drink called?

What do you call gym shoes?

What do you say to address a group of people?

What do you call the kind of spider that has an oval-shaped body and extremely long legs?

What do you call your grandparents?

What do you call the wheeled contraption in which you carry groceries at the supermarket?

What do you call it when rain falls while the sun is shining?

What is the thing you change the TV channel with?

BYU-I do

For those of you who have been reading my blog since it started, you know that I go to school at Brigham Young University-Idaho.  It is one of the best places in the world to me, but there are some things that I truly can't stand about this place.

The number one thing?  How people get married quickly here at this school.  That's how we got the nickname BYU-I do.

Now, don't get me wrong.  There are many different relationships that occur at this school, but the vast majority of people here meet, date, and get engaged (or talk about marriage) by month three.  MONTH THREE!!  I just don't understand how you can do that.

I am not that kind of girl.

I have made the conscious decision to not begin talking about marriage until month eight at the EARLIEST.  The reason why is because I came to this school to get an education.  That is my first priority.  I am not here to find my husband, which is probably why I haven't had much luck in the dating department... :] BUT the point is that I am NOT here to find my husband, or to date at all times.  My number one priority is to get a better education, get a degree, and increase my knowledge of both secular and spiritual things.  

I am hoping to beat the odds here at school.  I wouldn't mind going through my entire college career before finding "The One."  I actually would like to graduate with a degree before getting married, but that is just me.

I am not saying that those who get married after three months are dumb or idiotic, because they aren't.  Everyone's relationship is different, and I am sure that those people who got married after a little bit of time were ready for it.  But, I am not one of those girls, and I dislike the reputation brought about by all the people who get married so quickly.  

But that is just my opinion. :]